Friday, July 21, 2006


so.......HOW COOL IS THIS TEMPLATE????????? Courtesy of, it is STUNNING dont you think??????? I spent a couple of days tweaking it, and the tag board needs tweaking (default colour of txt is WHITE!) but other than that I think its up and running. Please let me know what you think!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

head rush going on

D'oh, I have a bit of a head rush going on from the first coffee and cigarette of the day!!!!

Yeaterday I had to take my boy to Southampton to get his eyes checked.....they're doing ok, don't need another check up for 3 months this time! (YAY). Then I had to take him to the Doctors, cos he's got an ear infection......luckily he isnt contagious so he's back to school today, but he does need er drops for a week.

Then, having accidently been awale for 36 hours, I passed out on the sofa at about 7, woke up at midnight, staggered upstairs and slept some more!!!!!!!

Today I am off to the dentists, I've managed to get one course of treatment on the NHS, so I'm going in to see what needs doing today, and hoping that my tax rebate com,es thru sometime soon, cos my WFTC has gone down by £3o a week.......the government is trying to see me starve I think!!!

Oh, and comment moderation is being turned on.......damn spammers!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

D'OH, its 4:20am......why am I awake???

I think there must be something going on with the weather or the seasons or something.........we're nowhere near a Solsitce or anything I dont think, but for some reason that I cant think of I am completely awake, not even a tiny bit sleepy. I really hope that this doesnt mean that my body will try to survive on 3 hours sleep a night again.......I am really praying that this is a one off!!!

There's nothing on TV right now, and no books that I want to read, so I think I might go outside and watch the Sun rise, perhaps that might calm the craziness of me, if not, then coffee it is!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


Am not that long home from work, just long enough to get some Calpol into the extremely hot boy, and for my feet to stop hurting!!!!!!!

Work was a NIGHTMARE. I got in at 7, expecting the delivery to be done (to be fair it arrived at 8:30).....and there was still one I mistakenly thought that they must have had about 20 cages in or something..........not 8. Needless to say, this made my night quite chaotic. Trish took nearly £1000 on her till so I know we were busy, and I managed to clean the milk shelves, date check and clean cereal, bread and cakes, work the ice cream freezer, and the cage of stock......most of the store was faced up, and i mopped out the back as well as the shop floor, then customers walked all over the floor, so I actually gave up! I cant believe that we got so much done, but in the same breath, this is exactly what I need to stop doing. Every time I go in there and do that much, I show that I can achieve a lot on my shift, which means people leave more for me to do the next time. I'm sure that it wouldnt have been a huge problem if i hadn't done as much, but I felt guilty about not doing more. I take pride in my work and really do try to at least do what is expected of me, but I always seem to be doing more......damnit..........I MUST stop doing this!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

'Laxing' girlie

you know how sometimes you just need to do something to relax? Some people would have a drink, others a joint, some would watch TV, some would listen to music..........not me however....

While up the shop today, I decided to splurge and buy some sausages, bacon and eggs. Once the boy was in bed, I was wound up so I did the only thing that I knew that would calm me down from the top of my head to the soles of my feet...........I BAKED........bread at that......then had hot crusty bread, with real butter, sausage, bacon, and egg.............. HEAVEN ON A PLATE.

Now I'm relaxed (to a degree, theres still enough going on deep in my head to make me just a little touchy...........*please note*.........this is kinda an understatement).......but there is something going on in my head which I am glad about. I'm finding my way back to me. This sounds like a good thing for just about anyone in my life.......actually, its not, cos me is less tolerant, more assertive, and less likely to 'shut up and put up'. Mum's already pissed at me for being alittle more like myself! The thing of it is, while I was with Phil I took a LOT of shit that I shouldn't have. For someone with a strong sense of self, I just rolled over and took it. I always PROMISED myself that I never would from anyone else.........not any of it...........I promised that if it looked like the past was repeating itself, even if it wasn't, then I would stand up for myself..................obviously, I actually ignored this pep talk to myself, as there have been many instances of taking things that I shouldn't, from all sorts of people in my life, friends, family, even my son's been getting away with murder!

So, please, if anyone thinks I'm putting up with things that I shouldn't........kick me up the ass........PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

D'oh, I cant think of a title!

The brain is not working as well as it should today................I'm putting it down to tiredness, I haven't been sleeping that well this week.

Yesterday was FABULOUS.....and I didn't do that much..........I just spent the day with my boy.....we didnt go out, or do anything that spectualar but we did get to spend time together, and he was so good for me, and it was just fantastic, one of my best days ever. Its been a while since we had such special time together, and I have really, really missed........however, I will say now, that about 2 weeks into the summer holidays I may be singing a completely different tune!!!!!

On the note of bloggage, it may be noticable to some that I'm only talking about stuff at the very surface of my mind.....there is a reason for this........usually, this would be a place for ranting and bitching, and I'd do it happily..........but in this case, with the events of earlier this week, this is an inappropiate medium for the thoughts in my head at the moment........they are a little too personal, and when repeating my own past mistakes, I'd rather keep them only I know who much of an idiot I can be!

Thursday, July 13, 2006

wired, wired, wired!!!!!

ARGHHH, I'm STILL buzzing from work. After all the chaos of the day, work was nice and relaxing (I know just how insane that sounds!). First off, Angie was allittle off with me, but we soon settled into a nice work routine. It was pretty busy, and my cleaning was HOUSEHOLD......which seemed to take forever, but I managed to get it done........I even managed to get the floor swept and mopped and most of the facing up was a little patchy but then there were alot of things that Angie needed help with on the till, and then there was the new 'Dream Number' game on the lottery, which means you have to do something different whenever you put a ticket in, or do a lucy dip for the Lotto, which took us a while to work out as no-one had mentioned it! At the end of the night Angie even said that she had really enjoyed working with me, as I was really relaxed about everything, and left her with no pressure and just got on and did things.....which I considered a real compliment......I take pride in my work, and its nice to hear that people think I'm doing a good job (I just love ethe attention really!). And Sue and Melisa even brought me a piece of fish for dinner.....bless them so much. The only problem with all of this is that I am really wide awake, and its school and then CAB tomoro morning so I should really sleep!!!!!!!!!

The chaos, the UTTER chaos!!!!

OMG............sometimes I wonder what my life must look like to other people. Most days just potter along....doing mums, then whatever I need to do, lookng after the boy and all seems pretty dull. Then you have a day like to today.

When I got to mums I realised that if I dont hoover then NO-ONE does....grrrrrr....I dont even LIVE there......but never mind.

Then I come home, and feeling hungry I went to cook myself a bowl of rice.....only to discover that.... MY GAS HAD BEEN CUT OFF. Now, me and the gas company have a history of problems. I try really hard not to actually name companies on here, even when I have a ligitamate complaint. But after all this today, I no longer care. Scottish Power supply my gas and electricity. I have been with them for 2 years, and in that time I have recieved a couple of electric bills (I have a key meter......esssentially 'pay-as-you-go electric) which are IMPOSSIBLE to run up as if I dont put money on my key then I dont have electric.....thats it and all about it, there's no room for manovure on this!!!!! But on the subject of the gas, they started by just sending me bills, with NO giro slips.........making it IMPOSSIBLE to pay them. So, I phone them and tell them about this, several times over 18 months. They seemed under the impression that I had the same sort of meter for my gas as for my leccy...............but as I told them, why would they let me run up a £200 bill on a pay as you go meter?????????? After finally recieving my first giro slip, I recieved another, for £850. They are firm in the belief that I was able to use 2000 units of gas in 5 WEEKS............baring in mind that my average consummtion is £150 a quarter then that would actually take me about 14 quaters to run up a bill like that, about 42 months, about 3 and a half YEARS.......NOT 5 WEEKS. So, I am disputing this, longly and loudly, infact I even got the national watchdog for energy providers involved....................cos the last straw was finding that they had cut my gas off, despite KNOWING that I am a single mum with a 4 yr old! ARGGGHHHHHHHHH. I spent an hour on the phone today sorting it all stressed after it all!!!!!!!!!! So, I have decided that I am gonna sit, and relax before work, and try to calm down after all of this.....then go into the monkey house I call work and see what chaos is happening there!!!!!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

Marathon blogage, it's been a while since I blogged, but between the chaos at work and this stupid cold, which I can't shift, I haven't had much time to sit infront of the computer and actually type, while I haven't got a migraine, or temperature, or just general unwellness. Also, I have a new addiction........Veronica Mars ........think Buffy, but without the demons, and more private investiagation stuff. Tis very very good.

Work has been chaotic, what with 22 cage deliveries, staff calling in sick and new ASM's being trained.....thou Bee is getting on very very well, and both Saturday and Sunday were a giggle with both her and Graeme about.

A note on the song........its for a certain someone........I'm working tonight, which is possibly a good thing, as I'm rather cross and need to vent my anger somewhere!!!!!!!

Monday, July 03, 2006

its 2am and FAR too hot to sleep

damnit, I havent been awake at this time of night for a long long time!!!!!! I just cannot get to sleep in this heat, which means my mind has been busy being random so I thought I'd post some of my thoughts here...........mainly cos I'm bored!

I've just finished one of my many books. It's about the 7th or 8th time that I've read it, and I still don't tire of seeing words. Words, the written word in particular, are definately my passion (not disregarding my son of course) and have been since I learnt to read. I stunned the teachers at my school when I started, as on my first day there I completed the set reading for my year group, and have had a reading age of 16 (based on what the school tells you!) since i was 7. Books, papers, even leaflets if I am really bored, they all captivate and thrill me. A well written book will seduce me time and time again, and I'll still stay up far too late to just finish a book, one that I've already read time and time again. The only downside to this is that new books last me about a day! I do really wish that I could write as well as I read. One day I really hope to write something that could thrill others as other people have thrilled me. Written words are something that will alway get a reaction out of me, whether it be arousal, fear, sadness, get to go for a ride along with someone, experience their thoughts and feelings in everyway, and you dont always get to do that with your partner, yet you can depend on a book to give you that. When all else is going pear-shaped, I can always count on a book being there to soothe my senses and take me somewhere far from the struggles of life.

I guess I may even be able to sleep now, and if not, theres always coffee I guess!
Night all

Sunday, July 02, 2006

opps, didn't mean to disappear

D'OH, I can't believe I dropped out of touch again........I dont mean to keep doing this, but then I get caught up in the chaos of having a four year old and the finances of a single mother!!!!!!!

I have been very philosphical lately, and meditating a lot, 'spring cleaning' my brain...........not that things in there are getting any clearer!!!!!! But its still nice to have the space and peace in my head for an hour or two at least.

Other than that I dont really have that much to blog......I havent been at work, so not much exciting has been going on. I spent Friday and Saturday on the phone to the bank and working families tax credit. The bank took a double payment out for my credit card, leaving my bank short for tomorrow's direct debit. So, I spend hours ringing them, and being put thru to all sorts of people, and they offer to refund the 7 to 10 days..............what a help that would be!!!!!!!!!! Then WFTC...........they've billed me and Phil for an overpayment of £1530.57. There are a few problems with this thou.............problem the time of this supposed overpayment, the working tax element (the bit that used to go in your pay packet) was going thru Phil's wages.......except we were'nt actually being paid it......AT ALL.......infact, the entire entilement was £3111, and I received NONE of it.........however, they only have my word for that right now, so I have to appeal the descion, and possibly get my son's father prosecuted in the process.........oh YAY! So, I spend 30 minutes on the phone to some guy from their reclaims department who says to me 'well, I can see from this that you only have £20 a month for housekeeping expenses (food, cleaning stuff, clothes etc) so we would like you to pay £10 a month.' D'OH. And the buggers gonna take 6 years to £3000 loan is taking less than that, and if Phil doesn't pay his half then I am liable for it, and could face court over it, or I might just pay for it myself, just to avoid it!

On a more positive note, I took my son into town on Saturday morning, and he was A JOY........he was just stunningly behaved and generally fantastic.................and he had a moment that would have made Graeme and Adrian proud..........................we walked into Superdrug and he tried to get a basket (we were only going in for a packet of tissuses!) and he shouted....'but mum, I need to buy lots of girlie stuff!' He had every person in the first alsie in stitches!