Saturday, December 30, 2006

New Year coming.

I hate this time of year. It encourages me to look back at the year thats gone, and for some reason I always focus on the bad things I've done and the mistakes I've made. I can't seem to help it.

A year is a long time, and the difference in my life and myself, is actually quite incredible, even to me.

This time last year, I relied on a man for emotional support and company, now I really, really don't. At best, I might need to spend an hour or two a week on the phone to one of my friends, or 16 hours at work, for example. Nowadays, as of 6:30pm every evening I am in one of two places, at home or at work. That's ok with me. Which surprises me, but then, I'm not the person I was a year ago. My life may be boring, and dull, and lonely, but ITS MINE. I, now, rely on NOBODY for anything. If I need something that I can't do for myself, eg, babysitting, I PAY SOMEONE. If I need furniture moving, or putting up, or dismantling, I do it myself. If I need food shopping, I walk up and do it. It's nice. I KNOW right in the bottom of my shoes that at the end of the day, I no longer NEED anyone. Anyone who's in my life, is there because I want them to be, not because I have to have them. Even Phil. I can and do do it without him for a lot of things, if not everything, but I've made the choice to put my son first, and therefore, the choice to have him in my life, for all the shit he gives me!

I'm actually feeling hopeful for 2007, which is a new thing for me. Things seem to be just where they need to be. I'm revelling in my independence, forging new friendships, building a new relationship, on my terms and at this stage, with a level of caution that means its still in its baby steps stage, things are looking good. My son is growing, fast and furiously, emotionally and physically, and so am I.

Happy New Year all, I probably wont post till I do my moaning at 2am about my neighbours tomoro night!


A Falling Angel said...

Hey Princess,
I hope you get what you want in the new year, and I must say........ TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!(I would do the Dance but Really Cant Be Bothered), I knew you would call it a relationship . Good Luck with 2007 babes you need a bit of it!!!!

Love Always

The Gay One

Graeme said...

No No No, Adrian, I am the only gay in this village and that's that lol.

Happy New Year Tinkerbell.