Title to be inserted by anyone who can think of one!

BLEUGH.

That is kinda my theme for the day today. I have offically had quite enough of the chaos and hassle, and am just feeling BLEUGH.

Last night was a nightmare. Work was ok, actually nice and gentle, I took it kinda slow, and it still got done...I even faced-up!

But then, unintentionally, ended up in a row of sorts with Philip. It started because I rallied against the injustice of all the things that his new girlfriend gets from him that I didnt ever. Not just the emotional support and the help around the house, but that he can get home straight after work for her, and she always knows where he is. Things that I got down on my knees and abased myself to try and get from him. He just couldn't do it for the mother of his child and the woman he married.

He had mentioned to me that he had to get home because she is unwell. Now, as a general rule I don't wish ill on anyone, so I was sympathetic to his plight, but there's a 'but. On at least 2 occasions I phoned him and asked him to come home because I was miscarrying and I needed him to have the boy. He didn't come home when I phoned, or after he finished work, infact on one of the occasions he didnt come home till 9pm (he worked until 5:30). So, naturally I took issue with the way he is happy to take care of her, when he couldnt do it for me. HE HAD FORGOTTEN THAT IT EVER HAPPENED. I kid you not, MY HUSBAND FORGOT THAT I HAD 2 MISCARRAGES DURING OUR RELATIONSHIP. I actually had 3, but I didnt ever tell him about the first one, and I shant ever, because Edward stayed where he was, so there was no reason to tell him.

I MARRIED THIS MAN.

THROUGH MY OWN CHOICE.

I SHOULD BE SECTIONED.

On Tuesday I was unwell, I had a stomach bug, and the first thing Philip asked was whether I was pregnant or not, and I lost my temper, and he didnt realize why until last night.

Sometimes, when I look back, I HATE myself for being so spineless. For putting him above all else, protecting him and helping him. I can't believe, looking at myself now, that I let it happen. That I put up with the way he treated me. In the same breath, sometimes I look back and wonder if I dont deserve to be treated any better, because the man I married is capable of treating a woman like something other than a possession, a toy, something to treat anyway you liked, but he couldnt do it for me, and one has to ask why not.

So, the bleugh makes sense, but tomorrow will be a brighter day, as it's my weekend off, so I have ALL DAY with my beautiful boy, who makes any pain, suffering or torment that I endured with Philip completely worth it.

An Open letter to customers of ___ ____ in __________.

(I wont actually mention the store name or location......I do like having a job!)

After dealing with your charming selves for nearly a year, I feel it is time to mention a couple of things.

First off, just because I work behind a till does not make me an idiot. I work in a shop, this is true, but it is my CHOICE, not because I am too stupid to work anywhere else. I am intelligent and capable, and 9 times out of 10, I generally have a higher IQ then you. The action of working behind a till makes me in no way inferior to you, and there is no reason to doubt that I am able to speak coherently or keep up with current events.

There is no reason to look at me in shock when I say something like 'Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening', it's just plain good manners, its not special treatment, its not because I am attracted to you, it is simply because I have manners and use them. It worries me that you find this so surprising. Looking at me like I've grown an extra head, or, my current favorite, looking up and saying 'WHAT?' is not necessary. Just because I am able to pay attention to you as I serve you, whilst you are oblivious to my existence is no excuse for being rude.

I do not appreciate trying to serve you your goods while you are chatting away on your mobile phone. Again, we are back to basic manners. How am I supposed to be able to ask you for the money you owe for your goods while you are busy making up with your girlfriend?

Also, if I ask you if you require anything else, I am generally referring to the tobacco products that are behind the till. I do not expect you to say......'yes, butter.' and then head down to the other end of the shop while other customers are waiting for you to come back just for butter. This is also bad manners! And by asking if you want to purchase anything else, I am, again, not signaling that I am attracted to you, but asking politely if you need anything else. Therefore, when you ignore me, and then 2 minutes later come back and say 'oh....I need (insert product here)', it makes me just a little cross. I understand that you don't really see me, that I am just white noise to you, but manners people, MANNERS.

If you have a problem with a member of staff, there is no reason to come and find me and tell me about it incessantly. For a start, you likely treated him with as much disrespect and indifference as you do me, and secondly, if you have a complaint, talk to management. Why you seem to expect me to send him home and run the shop on my own is beyond me. There is nothing I can do, expect waste 10 minutes of my shift listen to you repeat yourself.

When you are drunk, it is in no way amusing to see you come in, walk to a section of the store that I have actually faced up and start rearranging stock. You may think your funny, but your not, and I think its possible you have this problem in a lot of areas of your life.

Asking me if I would let you 'make love to me', 'take me home and **** me senseless', or 'bend over again so I can see your bum' in no way makes me think better of you. If I was interested in you, I would display this in some other way than asking you to leave the store. I am not at work for your amusement, or for you to hit on. Can I make this any clearer?

As for my collar. It is discreet. Most of the time, the buckle is tucked under my hair so it just looks like a chocker anyway. It is a symbol of the fact that I am comfortable with, and proud of, who and what I am. There is no reason to assume that it means I am either easy or 'making a statement'. Nor am I rebelling in anyway. It is not a 'phase', or just decoration. It is personal to me, and while I am happy to explain its symbolism to you, its impolite to ask. I don't ask you why you wear the absurd clothes that you do, or the ridiculous jewelry. At least mine is just plain black.

And finally, when I tell you something that you don't want to hear, for example, that we don't have any carrier bags, or that you can only purchase Lottery products with cash, I AM NOT LYING TO YOU. Why would I be lying about carrier bags? With all the effort I put in to be pleasant and polite, what makes you think that the words 'I'm very sorry but we are out of carrier bags' is actually me telling you that I am hiding them behind the till/out the back/up my ass. I am not trying to inconvenience you, I am letting you know something that is fact. There is no reason to lean over the till, into my personal space to check whether there are any bags there. And as for Lottery products, for as long as I have worked in retail, (6 years or so) LOTTERY HAS ALWAYS BEEN PAID FOR WITH CASH. It is store policy, and always has been. I am not denying you the right to a ticket or scratchcard, and I am not doing it for my own amusement. It is the way it always has been, and its just the way it is.

Oh, and one thing I forgot...

THE EGGS ARE IN THE MIDDLE AISLE, AT THE END, ON THE LEFT HAND TOP SHELF.

Your long suffering, friendly shop-girl.

Sometimes you just gotta scream

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHH



See, sometimes you just gotta!!!!!!!!

My bloods still boiling right now so I will do a real post later, but I just had to get that out!