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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Grief

This post is really hard to write. But Paul definately deserves some inches on here.

Almost every time I've talked about working in the evening, I've spent that evening with Paul. I have been consistantly working at least one of my shifts with him for 18 months now. The night my mother came into work to tell me my grandfather had died, I was working with Paul. The evenings that I went in after having a row with Phil, Paul was there. Every night we worked together we would chat, I would make sure we were able to take a fag break together, because I do like to get to know my work mates.

In our shop we are a little strange. I dont know if anyone else has noticed, but we tend to operate like a family. The guys there know whats happening in my life, all the time. We bitch and fight amongst ourselves all the time, and back each other up whenever we can. Charlene and Shaun babysit for me. Graeme and I chat online, as well as by text and on the phone. We all pitch in if we can.

People never cease to amaze me. You don't realize the impact that people have on you, how they've touched your life, how they have helped you make choices, how they have been a sympathic ear, a shoulder to lean on, someone to bitch to, until they're gone. You dont realize just how important walking into somewhere and seeing the same person there becomes, until you know that they wont be there again. You truely never know what you've got til its gone.

Paul was one of the nicest people I have met. He was drunk a lot of the time and not very fast on the tills, but he also made time to say hello to every customer, and to ask every regular who came in how they were. He always took a 20 minute break, even thou he wasnt entitled to one, and it seems so petty that I would bitch about it. It wasnt until Graeme phoned tonight to tell me that I realized just how much I liked Paul, how much time I have spent with him, how many things I have shared with him. It's so very sad.

6 comments:

jack said...

What happened to him?

Graeme said...

I'm really glad you brought the fact that we all operate like a family to my attention. I honestly hadn't really noticed it so much. I guess the fact that I live so very far away from you all doesn't help.

It is so sad, your words were so thoughtful also. Bless him so very much. :(

Deloris Diamond said...

nobody ever knows how much somebody has touched their lives ubtil they are no longer there

xx

Anonymous said...

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone.
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling in the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Funerals always remind me of this poem. It hits grief on the head exactly.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Cat is my copilot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cat is my copilot said...

What a fabulous poem, and how appropriate. Your tribute is a beautiful one. And just think--if it wasn't for TT, I wouldn't have read it and if it wasn't for Paul inspiring you to write it, I wouldn't be thinking to myself, "I must remember to add her blog to my links so I can know where to return in the future." Funny how life works, eh?

Thanks, Paul! Here's to an eternity of happiness! :)




(posting this again, as I cannot abide my own typos!)