An anniversary of sorts

I know that its been a little quiet on here of late. And here is why. This is a quote from my blog written on this day a year ago. The day that my husband moved out.

"Today is the big day.......I'm terrified.........Absolutely quaking in
my boots.........Whilst I KNOW deep down inside that I can do this, right now I
am panicking like mad..........He's still sleeping at the moment so I've decided
to leave him til he wakes.......Just that little more time to get my emotions
back under wrap before I have to face this."

So, I have been just a little reflective, as well as trying to sort out my own emotions, and things have been just a little crazy in my head. I've been floundering in chaos and confusion, all the while trying to keep a happy face on it all for both my son and the outside world. I haven't even been able to articulate my feelings with any sort of coherence to myself, let alone to others. I'm sure that people the world over have gone through what I am going through, but, as human nature dictates, it seems to me that I am all alone. And I know I'm not, but I also know that part of the problem I'm having right now is because I relied to heavily on others this time last year, when I should have been doing things myself. I've also been discovering a couple of things about myself, things that I'm not entirely proud of, and that is taking some adjusting to as well. It seems that I'm having to reassess every aspect of my life, every decsion I have made in the last 6 years, and every consequence of my actions. Its not a fun place in my head right now....But its getting better, it must be as I am able to actually load up the computer today.....Which is kinda new for this last couple of weeks. Also, I'm starting to make a couple of positive changes, as difficult as they may be.

So, I thought I would blog today, as today is a huge day for me, a big,scary, pit of tangled emotions, but also a huge day. And now I must away to chat to the neighbour's as if there is nothing going on and then to go into work and play pretend for a little longer.