Chaos and Disorder

Random

2009-11-27T22:20:00.003Z

Its been a really odd week again this week......

Although all I ever seem to do is work, do housework, and pass my husband like ships in the night, it all seems quite chaotic!

But I have the weekend off, which is inredibly awesome. Me and my boy are going shopping tomoro to get daddy some awesome birthday pressies, and are then shopping for new christmas decs. Every year, we add something new. We still use the stuff that Phil and I bought for our first christmas together, and as this is our 10th one together, we are going to go a little mad this year (at least I am). It may not be part of MY religous beliefs, but I see no reason not to have LOTS of tinsel and presents!!!!

I know how dull all this is, and thats ok with me, cos thats my life. And I'm not ashamed that I have barely anything going on, and nothing going on that anyone really wants to hear about.......baby steps and all that!

My life is incredibly dull...

2009-11-23T23:14:00.003Z

...and this is why I don't blog anymore!!! I was wandering around work wondering what to blog about and I worked out how my life goes.....

My boys (they are my world, but frankly, who else is interested in Phil and Edwards day-to-day apart from me?) I love them to the ends of the earth and back, but there really isnt anything much to say!
My family....least said and all that!
My job........there may not be enough words, but even so, deadly dull!
Housework.........endless housework!

Thats it. That is my life. I am dull!!!! But I'm cool with that, dull and ordinary are all good!

Change

2009-11-22T23:04:00.002Z

I haven't blogged for ages, I know this, but I'm hoping to change all that.

It occured to me that I always try to change but I never really manage to. Every week, I'm going to get fitter, lose weight, be healthier, and so it goes on. In a rare introspective moment I realised that although I have grown up, I'm still experiencing the same issues and insecurites that I was 10 years ago. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do about it, but as a person who doesnt deal with things but just buries them, I'm thinking that actually getting some of the words out might be helpful. I've spent a lot of time and money on trying to change without really putting my heart into it, so I'm going to try a different tack and not spend the money but to actually really WANT to do it. I know myself welll enough to know what my issues are, and where they stem from, but because the life I am in right now is so comfortable, I take the lazy route!

I knnow few people are interested in this, and that is all good with me, cos that gives me license to be honest, and to say things that I wouldnt say to actual people.

We'll know if its working if I manage to post at least one update this week!!!!

I am so rubbish!

2009-01-17T19:58:00.002Z

I really am. I never update this anymore...I really, really should. Every day I think of something that I want to blog about...and really random things like toilet roll (it made sense at the time) to current events. Its just that when I get home, and have dealt with the boy, and am all sorted out ready to sit for a bit, I'm so tired I can't remember what I wanted to talk about!

So many things have been happening in my life, its all been a bit mad. Despite that, something tells me that soon I might need to be back in the habit of putting all my crazy on here...that way I've done a spot of venting and all...so I might actually start posting regularly...I'm not promising this time thou...cos that was a lie when I said it before!!

Wednesday Weigh-In

2008-10-22T20:51:00.003Z

Tonight was weigh-in night for my Slimming World group. For some reason, every week, I spend my Wednesday full of fear. I sit and think about everything I've eaten all week, what I should have walked away from (chocolate spread this week, treat sized Crunchies last week) and then I panic about having put weight on. I worry about what I've done that I shouldn't have, and what I haven't done that I really should have (exercise falls into this category most weeks).

The thing of it is, I only started this whole thing on the 30th July. That means that I have only been doing it for 13 weeks. I have lost 2 stone and 1.5 lbs in that time. That's 29.5 lbs. That's 14.5 bags of sugar. That's a hell of a lot of weight to lose. So, realistically, if I did put on a pound or even two, how much difference would it really make. As long as I continue along this path, as long as I stick to the positive changes I have made in my life, its all gonna be good. This doesn't stop the fear though, or the paranoia.

All this stress is ok though. At the end of the day, I've already dropped 2 dress sizes, so my self confidence is constantly rising. I'm fitter (a little bit anyway). I'm healther. I'm a better example for my son. Once I lose my weight, I am learning to swim. Its actually quite awesome. The only thing ow will be sticking to it, and not giving in to my small stash of 'emergency Mars Bars'.

Insert something clever or funny here...I'm too tired to think of anything!

2008-10-18T18:18:00.002Z

I have had a beautiful day today. Because of the hours I work I only get 2 full days a fortnight to spend with my boy these days. Today was one of them. We started the day with a swimming lesson, which he loves, and I hate. I have a fear of swimming pools, I can't swim, and I hate the humid, horrid atmosphere in the pool area. So, as any good mother would, I went and watched my boy diving into the deep end of our local pool while sweating like a pig and freaking out incase he drowns. This is my least favourite part of my weekend with him! Then, all we did was come home and mong out with a DVD, and his crazy bones. It was the coolest Saturday I have had for a long while.

Tomorrow, we have a similar plan, unless its as nice as it was today...if the sun is shining then we are going out!!

That really is all my news...thou I did empty my loft and my shed...I'm excited by that, but I could see how no-one else would be!

LOVING the wireless

2008-10-12T18:30:00.002Z

seriously...why have I never had wireless before???? I'm loving being sat on my bed and online too. Admittedly I have to take the puta back downstairs in a minute to do more cleaning...but still...very cool to have wireless. My next project will be going online on Animal Crossing...cos I love that game and the kids accidently deleted my years worth of playing...I need to steal some fish and bugs!!

Other than that I am not quite sure why I'm blogging...I've had such a dull day...I got up, went to work, came home, and started the housework. That's it. I still need to get a life....can you buy them these days??? Oh well, if something exciting does happen I'll just have to blog again!

Check the new rockin' blog!

2008-10-11T20:05:00.003Z

Its been a while since I revamped my blog, so it was one of the things that ended up on the list of things I wanted to do as soon as I got back online.

While revamping, and hanging around, I realised how funny and interesting I used to be...now I just work too much! But this will change...I am determined to blog more, and start TTing again, and my Tackle it Tuesdays...cos frankly my house could do with it!

For now, I'm just gonna go and actually do some housework now, cos I've been on here for far too long...or maybe I'll surf for cool widgets!

RAHH...I'm back online!!!!

2008-10-02T20:24:00.002Z

'I am back online...I am back online...yay me...yay me!'

That's actually about it at the moment!!! I'm full of cold...not just any cold...the boy has given me man-flu. I spent the evening letting Phil run round for me...getting me coffee, medicine, a blanket...I may have milked it a little bit...but only a little bit, I truely feel like shit!

I also have new hair...I know, not that exciting...but I'm about rusty on the whole blogging thing...I wanna update my template and all sorts of other things...I'm getting there!

I am alive,I promise

2008-04-24T12:15:00.001Z

I know I haven't blogged for forever, ad I intend t start up again....as soon as my lappy i fixed and I've paid my phone bill ( I know, I'm a bit rubbish) but theres been so much happening, and I've wanted to blog...but I can't...and I'm sorry.

I know I only have one reasonably regular blog reader (Hi Dave)...but I don't care...I will still tell the world things that I am sure they never wanted to know...I promise!

It's been a busy 6 weeks!

2007-08-17T22:16:00.000Z

I guess that several people may have noticed my absence from blogging. You see, I've had so much going on in my life I haven't had time to stop and think about things properly.

A quick overview goes like this...

I failed my driving test (D'OH)
My mother GAVE me her car
My boy turned 6
My best friend got married
I went to Rubyz!!!!!
I went to an Ann Summers party and spent £50 (this purchase is both bigger and better than my last one!)
I baked FIVE cakes for Amy's wedding
I dressed LIKE A GIRL
I painted half of my front room
I bulit my son's toy chests and cabin bed
I've gotten hooked on L. A. BAnks' books

And thats just the little bits!!!

I am just going to have to blog more, I promise to try, this time last year I was blogging nearly every day!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #18

2007-06-28T13:10:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I have achieved today!(it's only 2pm!)

1…Went into town, picked up my prescription, did a full food shop, got a couple of bits for my boy.

2...Met Emily for a quick catch up.

3...Cooked a roast dinner for tonight, just need to do the veg once the boy is home (sorry Graeme, its chicken...and its ALL for me, and the boy I guess!)

4...Baked Brownies with nuts, just for the hell of it.

5...Baked a dessert that consists of a pastry shell filled with stewed peaches and topped with fresh peaches. I've had a strange day!

6...Tidied EVERYTHING I can find to tidy.

7...Finished reading my new book!

8...Caught up with Amy, Katy and Ian, and not all at the same time!!!

9...Run out of sugar....DAMNIT!!

10...Covered myself in vegatable oil, brownie batter, raw egg and flour (I'm a messy cooker!)

11...Bathed the boy.

12...Checked out all the blogs I read daily.

13...A Thursday Thirteen!!!!!!!

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Because so rarely things move me to tears.

2007-06-14T16:20:00.000Z

I just popped over to Boobs, Injuries and Dr Pepper, where you can find me lurking a lot of the time and read THIS post.

There are few people who know me who will actually understand why this is such an issue for me. But it is. And therefore, as someone who has walked a mile in uncomfortable shoes, and had to rely on the kindness of others simply to keep a roof over my head, someone who still knows exactly what its like to have baliffs, creditors and bills to pay, and then has to try and find some food money from somewhere. I urge any reader of mine who is able to pop over and donate if you can, or just to add your prayers. Situations like this are far to previlant in a socitey that is considered developed. When someone says 'single mother' they automatically think it means that they are getting moneitary help from a government. Its not always the case. Alot of us out here are going hungry cos our kids need food more than we do. I might not be in that situation now, but I've only been on 3 square meals a day for the last 3 months. The struggle is a hard one, and leads to depression and a whole host of other problems, just because there are a few of us out there that the world delights in shitting on. So, I urge you to visit, and challenge you not to be moved. Anyone who can inspire the depth of love within another as this woman obviously has derserves as much help as we can give. And a reason to smile again and have hope again, a gift that is beyond measure if you ask me. Raising a child alone is a daunting task in its self and can leave you feeling like all your doing is failing, and thats without money problems as well. So with this post, I not only shamelessly beg people to touch the life of another in a precious and priceless way, but if nothing else, beg that you send prayers along with everyone else that this woman catches a break and can be shown that no matter how low you get, there is always kindness in the world if you look hard enough.

Thursday Thirteen #17

2007-06-14T15:11:00.000Z

Thirteen random observations.

1…The children's programme Lazy Town was clearly created by monkeys on speed. There is no other explanation for the sheer craziness of it. A guy who does sports to save the day, a pre-pubescent girl who is far to bossy and has pink hair that never moves and 'sports candy'...known to human beings as FRUIT. AND MY SON IS ADDICTED TO IT. an HOUR a day I have to sit thru!!!!!!!

2...Animal Crossing is also addictive. So much so that I have ordered a WiFi connector just so I can play with others. It isnt complicated and you dont really do much, but I cant seem to stop playing it!

3...There is nothing on television after 10pm on a Wednesday night. Wanna guess how bored I was last night?!

4...Kinder Egg toys are still cool. I don't care what anyone says, I LOVE them...and on the plus side I get to eat chocolate too!!!

5...I haven't TT'd since March cos I am a bad bad person.

6...It is possible to read too much. I've gotten through nearly 300 books since January. That's 300 books in 6 months. My brain may melt.

7...5 is a beautiful, magical, wonderful age. At least that's what I keep telling myself. Over and over and over again. The boy is very '5' just lately.

8...Relentless is the drink of the God's and should be revered as such (I cleaned my WHOLE HOUSE IN LESS THAN AN HOUR) It is better than Red Bull!!!!!

9...Marks and Spencer's food court is in equal parts divine and evil. The food I ate last night, the food I bought from there was stunning. It was incredible. I ate till I hurt and then some more. BUT, it was expensive. VERY EXPENSIVE. It was my treat for the MONTH. No take out for me this month!!!

10...This was the only TT I could do cos it was the only thing I could think of where I could actually make a list of thirteen!!

11...Mr. Fab is a God among men. He really is. I wish I could spend a day in his head cos I'm sure its filled with utter madness. Go, read, and tell me I'm lying.

12...I don't blog enough. I keep saying it I know, but this time last year I was blogging nearly every day!!!!!! I think I need some inspiration.

13...Even this list took longer than I expected. Any ideas for future TT's would be great...PLEASE!!!

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I should blog more

2007-06-13T11:58:00.000Z

I know I should. To be fair I have been busy, busy, busy, and not with anything remotely interesting, but I should make the time to blog...

The thing is, I think of all these things that I should be blogging about, all these interesting, witty, intelligent things. Then I get home, sit down, and my brain just stutters a little and dies. Then I pop my headphones in and dance around a little...then I play Animal Crossing for a couple of hours and sleep like the dead. Thats it, thats my life.

Does anyone want it????

Seriously, although my boy brings me more joy than anything ever could, I still have a 5 year old. And he's very 5 at the moment. Work, which is something that I do well most of the time, is also a soul-sucking hell hole that makes me want to cry sometimes. My alone time, whist precious and important, is a bit too much just lately. I mean, its one thing to spend some time alone, and another to spend a minimum of 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on my own. And thats all I have in my life. WOOHOO...Please find said life on ebay, all bids welcome!!!!

In other news...nothing...I mean...NOTHING.

I NEED HELP, or a hobby, all suggestions will be gladly recieved.

New days, new thoughts, new hall paint.

2007-05-30T23:28:00.000Z

Perspective is a beautiful, healing thing. It truely is.

I have my own special brand of crazy, and I freely admit it, so this post might not make much sense to anyone who thinks I'm normal. (consider yourself warned if my insane logic frys your brain!)

I've painted my hallway. This in turn means I'm sorting my shit out.

Early last week, I was in a bad place. I really was. People who I love, who I loved and who I put so much of myself into helping, admitted that they had made mistakes with me, but that they had learned from them, and wouldnt make them with anyone else. WTF??? Who says things like this to other humans. Who sits there and acknowledges how much of yourself you gave to sort them out, but they had to fuck you up to get to where they need to be. Unfortunately, this is a reaccuring pattern with far too many people in my life. This is why I have made new friends this year, why I've started getting harder, become less forgiving, and started putting myself before my friends. Some people in my life did not deserve what I did to help them thru. If they had understood what I had done for them they would never have betrayed me like they have. Thats not all. I'm not often a nice person, but anyone who knows me knows that I will move heaven and earth to make things right for others. And I still will. I always will cos its the way I'm made. But there are a few differences here and there now.

Anyway, back to the painting thing, cos it is a huge issue. I moved in here 3 and 1/2 years ago. In all that time the only walls that have been painted are my bedroom ones. Which was a good thing and needed at the time. So in all this time, all this chaos that has happened within these four walls, all the tears and rows and anger, all the heartbreak and pain, and the place is still as it was when Phil and I moved in, happy, married and in love. So painting, a big thing. Add to that the fact that I have never painted a room, or a wall, all by myself, on my own, for me. I'm busy building my home. Making it mine. And in the process I am sorting my shit out. As my home is coming together so am I. I really want to be sorted out now. I have things I want to do, and I can't do them because I'm so busy feeling sorry for myself, being down on myself, and believing what others think of me. I'm trying to repair the damage thats been done to me, by myself and by others, cos my son deserves a mother who's in the best possible place, and everyone else derserves to see the pieces of me that I hide. The pieces of me that I don't trust people with cos I dont think they need to deal with my shit...cos if I'm dealing with theirs, they can damn well do the same for me.

Ok, ramble over, I think. And who knows, maybe I'll start posting more now!

Grief

2007-05-19T22:56:00.000Z

This post is really hard to write. But Paul definately deserves some inches on here.

Almost every time I've talked about working in the evening, I've spent that evening with Paul. I have been consistantly working at least one of my shifts with him for 18 months now. The night my mother came into work to tell me my grandfather had died, I was working with Paul. The evenings that I went in after having a row with Phil, Paul was there. Every night we worked together we would chat, I would make sure we were able to take a fag break together, because I do like to get to know my work mates.

In our shop we are a little strange. I dont know if anyone else has noticed, but we tend to operate like a family. The guys there know whats happening in my life, all the time. We bitch and fight amongst ourselves all the time, and back each other up whenever we can. Charlene and Shaun babysit for me. Graeme and I chat online, as well as by text and on the phone. We all pitch in if we can.

People never cease to amaze me. You don't realize the impact that people have on you, how they've touched your life, how they have helped you make choices, how they have been a sympathic ear, a shoulder to lean on, someone to bitch to, until they're gone. You dont realize just how important walking into somewhere and seeing the same person there becomes, until you know that they wont be there again. You truely never know what you've got til its gone.

Paul was one of the nicest people I have met. He was drunk a lot of the time and not very fast on the tills, but he also made time to say hello to every customer, and to ask every regular who came in how they were. He always took a 20 minute break, even thou he wasnt entitled to one, and it seems so petty that I would bitch about it. It wasnt until Graeme phoned tonight to tell me that I realized just how much I liked Paul, how much time I have spent with him, how many things I have shared with him. It's so very sad.

POST NUMBER 150!!!

2007-05-19T18:32:00.000Z

Ok, so its not that big!

But you see, I've been blogging for a couple of years now, and for a year on this platform. I know I dont blog as often as some people would like, but even so, I don't know what I'd do without blogging as a way of releasing at least some of my stress!!!

I had intended to write something topical, or at the very least something intelligent, but then, upon seeing that I was about to write my 150th post, I decided not to, cos really, I'm intellectially challenged at the moment. Its not that I can't do, its that I can't be bothered to!!! I see no reason to start discussing things as if my opinion matters, cos in the grand scheme of things it really doesnt. I might have an earth shattering idea that could affect the fortunes of the masses, but in reality, would i recognise it if i did? And who would listen to me if I recognised it?? So this is a fluff piece, simply to celebrate that I have persisted in keeping a blog even if no-one reads it, or I have nothing to say (which happens far too often for someone who enjoys talking as much as me!).

Now I'm off to read a little, cross-stitch a little and have more coffee....the excitement is unbearable...truely it is!

The BIG-ASS post I promised!!!!

2007-05-18T19:16:00.000Z

Here comes the post I promised to make up for my lack of posting so far this year. I was horrified when I realized how little I've been posting...I used to post every day...what has happened to me?!?!?!?!?! I will add a disclamer right here at the start...I'm drinking Lambrini Pink Champange. I'm not usually a fan of the cheap wine, but theres something a little addictive about it, and its PINK!!!!!

So, we'll start with Saturday, as thats the first day that something even remotely exciting happened!!!! I WENT OUT!!!! Honest I did, I am not lying, and the proof can be found over at Graeme's blog (I can't be bothered to post pic's, I'm sorry). It was Rachel and Leighton's wedding, and the reception was beautiful. Rachel's dress was glorious and Leighton looked so happy he could have burst! I wish them all the best for the future. It was also fun to go out with the guys from work...we NEVER do anything together except whinge about work!!

Sunday I spent sleeping, cos I was a tad hungover, and the boy got up at 5:30 AM!!!!!!

Monday...I spent SHOPPING. I mean REALLY SHOPPING. I spent almost as much as I make in a month!!!! I bought CD's, books, toys for the boys, clothes for the boy, a new cat-o'-nine-tails (pic's to come of that!), Thortons chocolates and some other random stuff. I now have a healthy respect for the effectiveness of retail therapy...I felt SO very good after shopping for 5 HOURS.

Tuesday I had a driving lesson and drove to Southampton for the first time in 7 years. I didnt do too badly all things considered, and I have the most AWESOME driving instructor in the world...we stopped for a fag break!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday I built a chest. It was all pre-cut wood so I just had to put it together but even so, I was chuffed with it!! And now its sat in my room, under my window, full of my Wicca supplies and reference books. It also acts as an altar, which has made my month. Its so fulfilling to be able to worship at an altar designed specifically for that purpose, even more so as I constructed it myself. The connection I feel to the Deities has easily doubled, which is probably why I'm feeling so much better.

Yesterday I did town with Amy, which was fun, thou I was paying bills!!!!

Today I did NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thats about all my news for now. Tonight I have a night of wine, reading and Supernatural planned.

Oh, and I forgot to mention my new sheets. They may only be polyester satin, but beggers can't be choosers, and I have gold and black slippy-slide-y sheets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M BACK ONLINE.....WOOHOO

2007-05-16T21:26:00.000Z

This year has been the absolute worst for my internet connection and I. First I am disconnected by my phone company, then by my ISP. This time however was far more hassle and worry. I went to plug my MP3 player in to change my play list and the computer kept telling me that I was overloading my USB ports. WTF?? My MP3 player is ancient and has about as much juice as a snail covered in salt. It is in no way powerful enough to take on the lappy. Not in a fair fight at least! As I was panicking that I had broken the lappy and was doomed to have an empty MP3 player...I looked and saw...THE FRAYED ELECTRICAL LEAD ON MY MODEM. D'OH. Okay, so that's not what I actually said when I realized the possible outcomes of fire, electric shocks admistered to my son and so on! So my wonderful mother went out and grabbed me a modem to replace it while I was at work. Which I loved her for. That was until I set it up and realized that I had to phone my ISP and configure the damn thing.........and because I am essentially lazy, this took a couple of days. But I am online now, and have SO much to blog, but its also bed time...so I'll do it tomorrow...possibly with pictures!!!!!!!!

Night all!

Some random for you, cos it's all I got!

2007-04-29T15:51:00.000Z

Some random things...

Check out my blog roll. I have added a bunch of new (well new to me) and totally awesome blogs. I went to vote for Crystal at the Blogger Choice Awards (in the best humour catergory...go vote, now, the rest of my post can wait!) and have spent most of the day floating around the blog-o-sphere laughing my arse off, on my own, in an empty house. I am a crazy person.

Just a few moments ago, I walked into my lounge. To find my son...WEARING. MY. NEW. KNEE. HIGH. BOOTS. I shit you not. He was stood in front of the telly wearing these black boots with a 3.5 inch heel that came up to the tops of his thighs. It took a minute or two for me to work out what was going on, but once I did I did the only thing a caring and considerate mother could do...TOOK PICTURES ON MY PHONE AND MESSAGED THEM TO MY FRIENDS. I'm also heading to town for a Dongle (I love that word) just so I can transfer the aforementioned pic's onto the puta!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to feel really guilty that I let Graeme down for work tonight. But, to be fair, the stir fry ingredients, slice of chocolate cheesecake, bottle of wine and dyeing my hair that I have planned for tonight are preventing this. Lets be honest, a choice between wine and work? It's no choice at all!!!!!

I have a new phone. Same number, cos I'm too lazy to ring people with the new one (and I've only just learned this one!) but a pretty, pretty Nokia 6111 in pink. I have new technology!!!

I also have Animal Crossing for Nitendo DS. This is why I'm never online anymore. I have toys to play with...including this which is on its way! (******PLEASE NOTE: this link takes you to Ann Summers. If you are easily offended or a prude, just don't click it. If you do you can't say you weren't warned. I'm a nympho, I accept it, you should too!******)

I think thats it so far. But then, I haven't opened the wine yet, so there may be more posting later, perhaps with pic's of the new hair.

I am an inconsiderate blogger!

2007-04-28T18:04:00.000Z

I am and I admit it. Its just that I haven't really had that much to say just lately. I work, I sleep, I eat and I play with the boy. And thats it right now.

So, in an effort to just have SOMETHING in my life, I am pampering myself tonight, then breaking in my new boots, and watching Serentiy. I know, I know, I cant stand the excitement!!!!!!!

I will try to update more I promise. I just need SOMETHING to happen in my life...thou I did make a purchase from Ann Summers last night, so I might not be around for a few weeks!

Graeme's Holiday...Day''s Two and Three

2007-04-12T07:04:00.000Z

The only problem with working every day is that I'm so tired!! Because I'm finishing at 5:30pm, it means that my friends are popping over for coffee an awful lot...I don't mind, infact I'll go so far as to say I enjoy it, but it does leave me hyped up for the rest of the night!! Never mind!!!

So anyway, in shop based news...

I did the double banking...s**tting myself the whole time!

I did the Easter Card uplift.

Sue from Millbrook popped in and sorted something out to do with declaring the coupons that I just could not sort out.

Once I've done my PI's today (2 of 'em) then they are done for the week.

Once Babs and Martha have done their bits this morning, all the stock is worked ready for tomoro's delivery...even the big silver cages.

The Easter stock uplift is being dealt with today as well, and thats all that I really have left to do.

I'm both shocked and surprised!!!

ok, thats it for now. I promise to have non-work related posts next week!!!

Graeme's Holiday...Day ONE

2007-04-09T17:48:00.000Z

ok, so its the first offical day of Graeme's holiday.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Actually, it hasnt been that bad. I went in yesterday and did a bunch of paperwork and stuff, so today went pretty well.

I counted the money. I will never again be able to touch that much money. And I had to put it all back *pouts*.

6 of the 8 PI's for this week are done...just Alcopops/Beer and tins to do.

Summer toys are booked in and on display. It took me AND Mel to actually build the stand *blushes*.

Event stands are cleared and ready for 1/2 price Easter Eggs in the morning, and the promo ends are nearly done.

I am tired.

I know that no-one really wants to know about all this, but I have a sneaking suspicion that Graeme may pop here, so it just keeps him informed of whats going on!!!

I've also dealt with a minimum of 2 attacks of the bitchiness between staff. That is the worst bit of it all. The rest, well, I just got on with it, but when its 'he said, she said' crap between people I need to keep sweet so that they dont walk out, thats MUCH MUCH harder. *tips hat to Graeme for not simply shooting the lot of us*

I now have to do my sodding housework...bleugh...maybe I'll leave it...and then do two lots tomoro!!!!!

Cos I'm still lazy!!!

2007-04-05T19:13:00.000Z

Graeme emailed me this and in my intense laziness I thought that it would do as a blog post, sort of a filler if you will!!!

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7am
2. Do you prefer Gold or Silver? Silver
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Dumb and Dumberer (NOT ONE COMMENT!)
4. What is your favourite TV programme? The Dresden Files (I have all the books!)
5. What do you usually have for breakfast? COFFEE
6. What is your favourite meal? Sausage and Mash at the moment, comfort food!
7. What is your middle name? Susan Margaret (yes, my middle initials ARE s&m!)
8. What food do you dislike? Mushrooms...with a fiery passion!
9. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Not a specific CD, songs thou are Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood and Do It Anyway by Martina Mcbride
10. What kind of car do you drive? None, I am an avid pedestrian
11. Favourite sandwich? Ham and pickle
12. What characteristic do you despise? Arrogance
13. Favourite item of clothing? Jeans all the way!
14. If you could go anywhere in the world on Holiday? Ireland
15. What colour is your bathroom? a vile shade of green!
16. Favourite brand of clothing? None, my ass doesn't fit in brand names, and nor does my wallet!
17. Where would you retire? right here, if I can ever afford too!
18. What was your most memorable birthday? My 25th......the most uneventful one ever!
19. Favourite sport to watch? why would I watch sport?
20. Furthest place you are sending this? I don't know, Poole?
21. Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Emily
22. Person you expect to send it back first? No clue
24. When is your birthday? 8th January
25. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night, and early hours of morning!
26. What is your shoe size? 5
27. Do you have any pets? NONONONONO
28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I actually have a bottle of spirits in my house!!!!
29. What did you want to be when you were little? Wife and mother of 6
30. How are you today? Tired. Content.
31. What is your favourite candy/chocolate? Lindt Lindor
32. What is your favourite flower? yellow roses
33. What is a date on the calendar you are looking forward to? 27th July (my boys birthday)
34. Are you married? Separated
35. What is your job? Senior Shift Manager...which sounds grand till you add...of a convenience store!
36. Do you enjoy your job? strangely, there are actually times when I do!

Sorry folks, had an attack of the 'lazy'!

2007-04-02T21:19:00.000Z

BUT I HAVE AN EXCUSE!!!!

CHECK OUT WHAT I JUST BOUGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, thats kinda all my news I'm afraid...Its the first day of the Easter Holidays, Phil and I are STILL getting on...I s**t you not, we are still getting on!!! And thats about it, there is an intense lack of excitement in my life right now.........come on baby, give me some excitement!!!

I hope you're sitting down!

2007-03-25T23:09:00.000Z

For the two regular readers (hey, I can admit that there are only two of you!) prepare yourself for this announcement. If anyone else has been reading regularly you too should suspend your disbelief for this...

PHILIP AND I ARE FRIENDS AGAIN!!!

Not the half ass friends that we have been since September. Not the sort of friends who spend all day trying to get dirt on each other, but ACTUAL friends.

I really mean it, I am not trying to scare anyone, and I really am not lying, we are back to the proper sort of friends that we need to be, for ourselves and for Edward.

Its nice actually. (I'm sorry if anyone actually hurt themselves there). This friendship we have worked for. REALLY WORKED FOR. As in, we've been trying harder on this friendship than we ever did on our marriage. Its shameful to admit, I know, but we didn't try as hard as we should have on our marriage. We were not as honest with each other as we are now, and we didn't share as much as we should have. Since we split, we have been brutally honest with each other, we have shared things that we never had to know about one another, we've taken care of each others emotions much better and we have both accepted responsiblity for our mistakes during our marriage and relationship.

This is not to say that we are getting back together, because, folks, WE ARE NOT.

This isnt about still being in love, or not being over each other, and despite what some people may think, its REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY not because we're banging like rabbits, and no, I'm not protesting too much. Its just something that isnt happening, and sometimes, I feel that no matter how often I say that, there are people, who should know me, but who still doubt it. If we we're banging like rabbits then we'd be together. If I wanted him back in a relationship way, then I would have done that already. BUt our friendship is important to me. It is a treasured friendship, and when others think that we shouldnt be friends, then they are small minded and unable to accept that when you sweat blood to ensure there is a friendship then it is obviously worth fighting for.

In other gripping 'Tizzie' shaped news...

I HATE BOB...MAY HE BURN IN HELL...I WISH I COULD JUST REALLY HURT HIM WITHOUT HAVING TO TOUCH HIM.

Thats it folks. I think that the first announcement was enough to keep all my faithful readers (all two of you) going for at least a day!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #16

2007-03-22T07:36:00.000Z

Thirteen Things that rock my world!!!!

1…My son, in all his glory, craziness and insanity!!!!!

2...Lindor Chocolate......they've just released a mint truffle one and they are INCREDIBLE!!!!

3...The Dresden Files on telly. I have all of Jim Butcher's books, and the television series ROCKS!

4...Books, lots and lots of books!!!!

5...Devil food chocolate cake. I love it, I want to eat it all the time, I get fatter just being in the same room as it!!!

6...The Blogosphere. I potter around here far more that you'd realise!!!

7...COFFEECOFFEECOFFEE...I truely could not live without coffee, I'm just glad Amy is just as bad as me!!!!

8...Ameretto flavoured coffee...OH MY S**T...THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!

9...My work friends. How lucky am I to get to work with people that I actually like!!!!

10...Thunder storms. Big-ass, full on thunder storms. The ones where you turn all the lights off and spend the night just watching and listening to the weather.

11...Having money in the bank. It doesnt happen often, and doesnt stay there long, but it sure feels good when I've actually got some!!!

12...My Nindento DS. Its my guilty secret. I couldnt really afford it, but I was sick of sitting in a night with nothing to do, and it is so, so beautiful!!!

13...My friends. Despite the events of the last few weeks, they are still the best!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

SPRING EQUINOX!!!!

2007-03-21T20:23:00.000Z

yup, 'tis the first day of spring. Not that you'd know it from the weather, what with the bitter wind chill and the short flurries of snow we've been having, but the start of spring none the less.

As anyone who knows me will tell you, the first day of spring is where my mood lightens, I get my s**t together and I stop taking the aforementioned s**t. Given whats been going on in my life these last few weeks this is a good thing. Phil is gonna have to adjust to not being able to treat me like he does (I think maybe out of habit, I've taken it for so long that he thinks nothing of treating me badly) but other than that, for the next six months at least, I shouldn't hit bottom again!

I also got my groove back on at work today. When I got there, there were 3 extra cages in the stock room (now gone), 5 stocktakes to do (all done), far too many soft drinks to reduce (I THINK I got 'em all), and stock to work (a fair bit of it done). I rock. There is no doubt about this. I also ache, but that I'll get over. When I'm in a funk, my work suffers, and I find that so hard to live with, I like to be able to take pride in my work, and lately I havent been able to. I can today which has definately brightened my mood.

We have also started selling BIG-ASS cans of Red Bull, this too has contributed to my hyperness!!!!

And, today, Amy bought me a fridge magnet that says 'My family tree is full of nuts'!! So true, and I want fridge magnets, cos I've finally got a fridge that I can fill with my boys paintings and other things, so I NEED magnets!!!!!

In other news.......

I have had a fantastic phone call with Amanda. Its grounded me and put me back in my own skin.

I DIDNT fall out with Phil today, for the FIRST TIME in about 19 days (in a row, yes folks, IN A ROW, not that I sat with my calander tonight to work it out or anything)

I'm blogging again (in case no-one noticed...............I'M AN ATTENTION SLUT, PAY ATTENTION!!)

I intend to TT tomoro!!!!

My boy is wonderful, thou pushing me a little of late!!!

I may be addicted to !'s!!!!

Ebay is evil and is going to end up costing me THE EARTH...but I love it anyway!!!

And theres something else, that I should shout from the rooftops, but I'm not gonna, cos every girl needs a secret!!!!!!!!

Happy first day of spring everyone!!

An actual blog post!!!!!

2007-03-19T13:09:00.000Z

ok, so I haven't blogged for a couple of reasons, one is that when you have actually sat and thought about how you would dispose of someone, its probably not a good idea to blog about it! Another is that the chaos in my life just lately has stunned even me, its like it has a target to reach, and is trying to beat it...if my life were work, we'd have beaten bugdet by about £1,000,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, a proper blog, about the good things in my life, cos a few have happened lately.

Good thing number 1...I went and got my hair cut. It is actually a really cute cut and I love it and am really happy with it. So happy in fact that it is also now a nice deep red colour again!!!

Good thing number 2...I got my paypal verified so I can get addicted to ebay!!!

Good thing number 3...My friendship with my neighbour is going from strength to strength, not bad for some one who hasnt made a friend outside of her job or school for about 7 years!!!

Good thing number 4...I am now the proud owner of a pink Nindento DS Lite!!!!!!!!!

Good thing number 5...I WENT OUT...IN PUBLIC....AND HAD A DRINK...AND I DIDNT GET IN TIL 1 AM...FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 10 MONTHS!!!!!!!

Good thing number 6...I have permission to be in a relationship now from my ex-husband...HAHAHAHAHAHA the world is MINE!!!!!!

Good thing number 7...I seem to have found my sense of humour again.

Good thing number 8...I have cleared the air with my best friend. I dont ever want to have to do it again, but I am so happy I did, and so happy that things are back as they should be.

Good thing number 9...I had Chinese take out for the first time in about a year!

Good thing number 10...I had 9 good things to report!!!!!

Oh, and I am now Graemes 'second-in-command' at work, I am a Senior Shift Manager...Its a pig, but it rocks too...I got a promotion (dances a lil!)

Thats it for right now, but then I want to have some wine tonight, so maybe I'll post a drunken post later!!!!

sorry folks

2007-03-16T23:43:00.000Z

I know that I havent posted in a while, and I'm not really doing a proper post now. Just enough so that people realize I'm still alive. thats it folks I'm afraid. I'll post when I'm feeling better.

Thursday Thirteen #15

2007-02-22T00:02:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I'm proud of.

After the hugely negative TT last week, I decided to do something I very, very rarely do. In fact, I do this so rarely that anyone whi knows me will be shocked and surprised by this post. I'm going to 'toot my own horn'so to speak. This TT is 13 things about myself that I am actually proud of, or think I do well!!! (my apologies to anyone who actually keeled over in shock!)

1...I can do a suduko puzzle in under 3 minutes. Not the complex ones, they take about 10 minutes, but the ones where you only have to find about 45 numbers out of 91.

2...I am a DAMN FINE cook. Its a skill that I haven't appreciated much lately, but since I've started cooking more, I can see why Phil wanted to marry me!!!

3...I am raising an amazing lil boy, and for the most part, I've done it myself. My ex hasnt really put much effort in until recently, so I take full credit for it, and just lately he really has been doing me proud.

4...My memory is damn near photographic. If I've read it, or written it, I'll remember it.

5...My mind is so open that I expect my brains to fall out almost daily. I consider this a good thing, thou some people think I'm a touch too permissive!

6...At work, thou I'm not sure I'm really proud of it, there are only 2 people that staff will go to before me. I'm actually an asset to my workplace, that part makes me proud. The part where I'm dealing with the staff's issues just makes me irritated!!!

7...I am actually a good friend. I can be a nasty b***h, however, for my true friends, there's nothing I wouldnt do.

8...I'm a low maintainance person. I don't need that much imput, I kind of tick over by myself. Thats not to say that I don't need some sort of human contact now and then, but other than that, I'm realatively independent and have been know to go weeks without seeing anyone other than my ex and my son without going completely insane!!

9...I am always learning new things. I cant seem to stop myself. I just cant help myself, be it something that just sparks my imagination, or something I have to 'Google' for my son because he wants to know how aeroplanes stay in the sky!

10...I cross-stitch. A lot, and well. I tend to keep that one to myself, mainly because I am really not art-inclinded. But when I cross stitch it doesnt seem to matter that even my stick men aren't convincing!!

11...I'm competent and capable. If there's something that I need to achieve, and I don't know exactly how, I'll simply find out and then do it. It's something that I am really, really proud of at the end of the day as its something I want to pass onto my son, and as its a trait I already have I reckon I'm half way there!

12...I'm articulate enough and well-spoken enough that no-one every believes me when I say that my father's a farmer. And not in the 'gentleman farmer' sense, in the sense that I too have stuck my hand up inside a sheep! But no-one ever believes it, no matter how many times I say it!

13...I got thru this list. That really makes me proud because it's not something that comes easily to me, and it's taken at least an hour, but I got thru it, and am now going to have a fag and a coffee before I post it, just so I have something to moan at myself about!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

My 'Mr Linkie' still isnt working, so leave a link!!!!

Friends, feelings and other stuff!

2007-02-16T16:26:00.000Z

Not sure on a title yet...........give me a minute!

Today has been a special day. Me and my boy are still in our jammies (its only 16:30) and have spent the whole day together. Always something that makes my day the best it could possibly be. But, on top of that, I got to read the responses on my TT. Its not often that I open myself up like that, and I can say, without a doubt, that I didnt do it lightly, or easily. There are people who read this blog that I'd rather not let into my head, because nothing they have done even slightly allows them the right to that, but as I am determinded to maintain a friendship with someone who played a pivotal part in my life, I have to accept that the people close to him will come here, and read it, and hope that it means that my life is falling apart in some way. Nevertheless, I took a risk, just because one person out there doesnt understand what goes on with me, doesnt mean that I should shut everyone else out of the more chaotic parts of my life. To have such thoughtful, and inspiring comments, which I read over my morning coffee (a time when I am definately not at my best) really made my day. If nothing else nice had happened today, I'd have still had a glow of contentment about myself.

But other nice things happened. Cuddles and snuggles on the sofa with my lil man. A phone call that set my pulse racing, and put a smile on my face. A visit from Amy and her lil girl...who was also still in her jammies, so an inpromptue jammie playdate! A postcard from one of my oldest friends, with a picture of her and my boy on it. A LIE-IN until 9:30!!! A glimse of what my life is becoming, as opposed to what it has always been. I hate to say it but I think I'm actually getting a life worth envying, rather than a life no-one wishes on their worst enemy.

And a random note, you will notice the lack of posting about Valentines. At the risk of offending millions of people, it is a highly over-rated holiday and something that I really find a little crass and over commerciallized. So therefore, thou I did bake on the day, cos that is a tradition I will keep, I gave chocolate brownies to Graeme, as I know he needs the chocolate more than anyone else in my life!!!!!!

Thurday Thirteen #14

2007-02-14T13:25:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I've discovered about myself in the last couple of months.Todays TT is a personal one, which is a touch unusual for me, as I'm such a private person, but then, its probably unhealthy for me to be and I'm trying to grow as person!!!!

1…It is my natural reaction to be a cold hearted b***h before anything else.

2...I am incapable of seeing myself as others see me, even a little bit!

3...My thoughts and feelings are so deeply buried, when my friends try to talk to me, I'll lie about them (the thoughts and feelings, not the friends)

4...When I come accross as confident its actually because I am the exact opposite, and am lying to myself.

5...When someone's nice to me, I automatically wonder what they want from me, or assume they are lying.

6...I am nearly completely unable to accept a compliement.

7...Whien I'm feeling lonely, I will deliberately unplug my phone, turn off my mobile and pretend to be out, just incase a friend actually rings.

8...If one of my friends needs something, anything, I will do everything in my power to help them get/achieve whatever it is. But I will NOT accept the same back.

9...When I'm feeling a deep emotion about something, I will just bury it until its no longer a deep emotion.

10...There's far too much in my past that I havent dealt with yet, and it affects the relationships that I build today.

11...When it comes to my son, there is nothing I wouldn't do, no-one I wouldn't hurt to keep him safe. The same goes for my family, and the friends I consider family.

12...I'm outspoken, but never about the important stuff, just about the little things.

13...Far too much of this list is negative, and I really need to deal with that!!!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

My 'Mr Linkie' isnt up and running on this template yet, so leave a link!!

Drunken Pwincess

2007-02-10T21:27:00.000Z

Well, its true, I found the Vodka in my cupboard and accidently drank it.

I've decided that there is nothing worse than being drunk and alone. I have huge amounts of hyper-ness (or frisky-ness!!!) that could be shared, but tonight I'm on my own. Pretty much like every night, so you'd think I'd be somewhat used to it by now, but then, every now and then, it hits me. I may have the most beautiful son in the world, and a huge number of friends, but my true friends, the ones I will bare my soul in front of, they are few and far between, and not a single one of them is avalible right now.

Never mind, I guess I'll go to bed and read this in the morning and cringe!

I know...I'm a disappointment to my public!!!!!

2007-02-09T22:12:00.000Z

Sorry, but I am in the strangest mood, and when you think that I haven't updated my blog in ages, I've had a lot of visits just lately.

I'm so sorry for ignoring all you people who sit on the edge of your seats, waiting with baited breath, for the next installment of my oh-so-exciting life. Honestly, I really wasn't thinking of the impact that my neglecting you could have, to the point where one of my visitors stayed AN HOUR...perhaps hoping that I would update. Alas, I did not, for ALL my Laurell K Hamilton books were returned to me last week, and I'm sorry, but they need re-reading!!!!!!!!!

I did want to start posting on things that were personal to me, things that were all deep and meaningful and stuff, but frankly, this particular blog is mainly for light entertainment, and stress and ranting obviously, but mainly its light and fluffy, and I don't really want to take that away, also, if I do feel a need to talk about my feelings, I'm gonna do it anonymously!!!!! That's the whole reason that I still keep a diary almost daily.

In other news, ummmmm, yeah, a WHOLE lot of nothing again. Between work and my addiction to reading, I haven't even switched the computer on this week apart from when I popped it on for Phil to use. I lead such a full and rewarding life don't I? I've even started drinking Horlicks!!!!!!

TACKLE IT TUESDAY

2007-01-30T13:41:00.000Z

Cos I'm finally back to tackling things!!! I'm not quite sure why I got out of the habit, but I'm back into it with a vengence!!!!

I have this big plan to redecorate my son's bedroom for his 6th birthday. Its not till July, but still, I needed the place tidy in order to get an idea of what I can do. He has too many toys, and his room is not used to its best, but all of a sudden today, I felt a need to deal with it all. I AM MAD. So here it is

This is his bookcase. He likes books as much as me, and I have happily spent far too much money on making sure he has books that he likes, that will help him learn to read and that are fun. It did look like this...

And now...it looks like this...

His toy and clothes cupboards were utter madness, spilling out onto the floor, as only a small child looking for that 1 piece of lego he had 20 weeks ago for 5 minutes can achieve...

And now they look like he is a human child instead of a small howler monkey!!!!

He also had an additional pile of toys hidden behind his door...

which soon went away with a little hard work leaving...

SPACE!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and I made his bed all pretty too...

What amazes me the most is just how many toys he has. He's only 5. I think that people think I don't let him play or something so keep buying him toys!!!! I'm going to have to go through all of them before July just so that I can fit them into a space smaller than a people carrier!!!!!!

Thats it for now. I have other news, but it doesnt need to go in this post!

My life is just a lil bit interesting!

2007-01-29T23:29:00.000Z

honest it is, it really is. I just spent 3 HOURS on my balcony, freezing my ass off talking about sex, drugs and rock and roll with my very straight but very sexy neighbour (lets see how long before the rumours hit my street!!!!LOL) It really was immense fun and I recommend it to anyone. I also got to see my lover in passing, who knows, maybe one day, soon I hope, he'll have an evening where he is allowed to carve out an hour or two for me. I live in hope eternal. And need to take out stocks in Duracell I reckon, I AM the reason they are still in business!!!!

**************************************************************************

I walked in to work twice today. Both times I didnt stop long enough to hear about the woes of the staff. Even I was impressed with myself. Though I'm not doing so well as you think. I only left as quick as I did because....wait for it........I DONT CARE ANYMORE.

***************************************************************************

I've spoken to about 90% of my friends today, for various reasons and various different levels of chaos in their lives. On the plus side, mine is going fine so thats actually kinda nice!!!!

***************************************************************************

Thats about it I reckon. I was gonna talk about my feelings, as I do actually have them, despite the fact that I appear to merely have a black hole for a heart. But then I got thinking, I can bore you all to death with them tomorrow instead, cos right now, I'm too hyper to discuss D&M stuff!!!

Night all, I'm off to do a little stalking!!

I should not be allowed to get this bored

2007-01-28T20:51:00.000Z

cos just look at what happens when I do!!!!!

The Ultimate Blog Party March 2-9

2007-01-27T22:45:00.000Z

A little random, but fantastic!!!!

I just found out about The Ultimate Blog Party and it sounds FABULOUS.

From what I can tell, its basically exactly what it sounds like. A week long blog party. A chance to interact with as many other bloggers as possible, and to meet new friends and so on and so forth.

Just below my archive links in my sidebar you'll find an invitation button. I have a feeling it links to the same place as the link in this post. Theres prizes and other stuff as well..........its sounds like so much fun, so expect some party-worthy changes around here soon!!!!

D'OH, I FORGOT TO BLOG AGAIN!

2007-01-27T22:08:00.000Z

But I have a REALLY good excuse or two...

Number one is work. It's gotten so very very bad that I can't even walk in there without feeling my blood start to boil slowly. It just gets me so worked up at the moment, because its the sort of place where we're expected to cope, regardless of what the Head Office, or the staff choose to throw at us. If I had an option, I'd resign tomorrow. But I don't. So, Graeme can now relax cos I aint going anywhere for at least the next couple of months!

Number two is Waterstones. It is a beautiful, beautiful shop. HOWEVER, they should never EVER EVER be allowed to do a 3 for the price of 2 deal on Tess Gerritsen. I have new books!!!

Number three is the HUNDINGER of a cold I have right now. I feel like s**t. Ah well, theres nothing I can do about it except grit my teeth and carry on while dreaming of sleeping!

Thats probably all of the good excuses I have, the others are simply laziness and lack of anything exciting going on!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #13

2007-01-18T09:39:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I should cook more often.

An odd one today, because I'm hungry, I'm starting to realize just how much I miss cooking for people, and, trying to pick a topic for my 13th 13 was far more difficult than it should have been!!!!!! Happy TT all!

1...Lasange....is there ever a point where you've eaten too much when it comes to this? If there is I havent found it yet!

2...Devil's food chocolate cake.....moist, dark, rich and oh so very delicious! I dont often eat cakes that I've baked but with this one, I have to be careful that I dont eat the whole thing!

3...Bread.....whenever the world gets too much I bake bread. Theres something about the smell of it baking, and then, spliting open a warm roll fresh from the oven and putting REAL butter in it that makes everything alright with the world.

4...Sweet and Sour Chicken and Rice.....One of my ultimate favourite 'foods-from-a-jar' (at least the sauce is) quick, easy and so so yummy!!

5...Sausage, Mash and gravy....comfort food, without a doubt my definate comfort food. If I have had a bad day, I climb into my fuzziest jammies and curl up with mashed potato!

6...Egg and Bacon Sandwiches. Of course, I dont mean a healthy sort!! I mean hot, fresh baked bread, sliced as thickly as I can get away with, slathered in real butter, with 4 rashers of well done bacon and 2 fried eggs, with runny yolks, covered with ketchup or brown sauce. I'm so hungry now!!

7...Pizza. Its one of the few 'fast' foods that I will actually cook from scratch. I use what started life as a variation of a pasta sauce for the topping, because I personally love a well covered pizza, as well as making the base as 'deep-pan' as I can!!!

8...Potato Salad....mainly because when I make one it has things like cold chicken, apple, raisans, celery, cucumber, mustard and other things in. Its one of those things I make when I have random things left in the fridge!

9...Steak Pie.....I will admit that I am a bad bad person and I dont make shortcrust pastry...I just cant...I make suet pastry. I'll make a stew, and cook it for about 12 hours until its all so tender and, well, just really nice, and then I'll have stew and dumplings one night, and a steak pie the next. Fattening, unhealthy and so very fullfilling!

10...Chocolate Fudge Cake....Theres really no reason to cook this anymore, cos it's just me and the boy..........but I do love it.

11...Fry-ups....I love fry-ups, but I love them best when I cook them! I wont eat one when I'm out for breakfast anymore, but I will cook one on Christmas Morning every year.

12...Roasts.....I love good, old-fashioned, simple food, the roast dinner being one of my favourites. The problem is that the boy isnt too impressed by them, so whenever I cook a roast, I'm cooking for just me. I cant really justify it, so my cooking of roasts has dropped to once a year too!

13...Fruit Crumbles....as above, good, and simple food. And the one dessert that I will both cook and eat on the same day, with fresh single cream!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Random musings, as I can't really be arsed to blog properly!

2007-01-15T20:41:00.000Z

First off, a comment on the song. Its a song called 'Do It Anyway' by Martina McBride, and it's fast becomming my very own personal anthem! It is stunning!!!!

In other news...............

ummmm............

hang on a minute..................

there must be something...............

D'oh! Short of my son's eye appointment tomorrow, my lack of a babysitter for tomorrow night, my increasing frustration with my neighbours and other animals (such as Emma.......really been pushing my buttons today) and my lovely neighbour Amy, who has a thing for cat strap-ons, thats all I have to report!!!

Enjoy the song!!

My life is very dull!

2007-01-14T14:00:00.000Z

Despite the title I do have a little bit of good news. I managed to go 14 1/2 hours before I absolutely had to have a cigarette. YAY ME! I do want to give up, but I'm not quite ready to, but still, I'm proud of myself (well, hell, someone has to be!)

Oh and I found this site called Widgetbox. It's actually quite fantastic. It's a place where you can find all the widgets for blogs in one place. It rocks!!

And, for anyone who wants to know, the MP3 on the post below, is POISON by GROOVE COVERAGE......and it is stunning!!!!! I spent most of the night rocking to it all by myself.

Test Run

2007-01-13T18:23:00.000Z

Opps

2007-01-13T17:39:00.001Z

some wacky things may go on here for a while, I accidently screwed up my template! D'OH

2007-01-13T12:49:00.000Z

I found this over at Taking the Scenic Route to Joy, and thought it was a giggle!

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and alot of the songs fit with the setting.

Opening Credits: Leanne Rimmes - But I do Love You
Waking Up: Lee Ann Womack - I Feel Like I'm Forgetting Something
First Day At School: Garth Brooks - Standing Outside the Fire
Falling In Love: Shania Twain - I Aint no Quitter
Fight Song: The Wreckers - One More Girl
Breaking Up: Miranda Lambert - Between You & Your Memory
Prom: Garth Brooks - That Summer
Life: Garth Brooks - She's Gonna Make It
Mental Breakdown: Shania Twain - UP! (LOLOLOLOLOLOL)
Driving: Brooks and Dunn - She's the Kind of Trouble
Flashback: Garth Brooks - Longneck Bottle
Getting back together: Carrie Underwood - Crazy
Wedding: Shania Twain - Forever and Always
Birth of Child: Amy Studt - Misfit
Final Battle: Brooks and Dunn - Tonight the Bottle Let me Down
Death Scene: Martina Mcbride - God's Will
Funeral Song: Martina Mcbride - I Hope You Dance
End Credits: Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Closer to Believing

To my Parents

2007-01-12T22:15:00.000Z

Happy 18th Anniversary.

Not for you two, you have been together far longer than that, but for us. It was 18 years ago today that I moved in with you permanently, and for that I am forever grateful.

I know we have our ups and downs, and I know we all annoy each other like crazy sometimes. Despite all that, I wouldn't change a moment of the last 18 years for absolutely anything.

Being with you has shaped my life, has changed the path I was on to one that is brighter, happier and contains more hope than you can imagine. And I thank you for that.

You guys truly saved me, made my life bearable. Without you, I would be nothing, instead I am your daughter, and so proud of that fact. If I hadn't moved in with you all those years ago, I know exactly where I'd be right now, and it's not somewhere where I would be able to be accepted into society. But I am, because of you.

The debt I owe you is huge, is insurmountable, and all I can do to repay you is live my life as you have shown me, make you proud of me, bring my child up how you brought me up, not how I was brought up before.

I couldn't imagine my life without you, you are both by far the most influential people in my life, and among the most important.

I love you both very much, and thank you for all the effort, time and love you have given to give me a chance at a life.

Well I survived!

2007-01-10T11:09:00.000Z

It's true, I survived my birthday!!!

It was lonely, and dull, and boring, and HASSLE FREE! YAY!!! For about the first year I can actually remember, not one single crappy thing happened!!!

Thats actually about all my news, on account of the fact that I barely leave the house, am incredibly short on money, and have no life.

Ah well, and I had to pop this song on, when I was pregnant Phil would play this over and over in the car, and for some reason I wanted to hear it again!

New Year, New Things, and so on and so forth

2007-01-07T19:01:00.000Z

Teeny-tiny post today.

I have added to my side bar today. It's a widget powered by Library Thing, a wonderful site that lets you catalogue your books online. I just went through a couple of my favourite authors and the books I own by them, and my list totals 103 already!!*blushes*.

So, anyway, this thing I've added shows a random selection of books from my library, which frankly, I'd recommend to anyone who enjoys reading!!!

Thats it for now...Apart from a prewarning for anyone trying to get in touch with me tomoro...I will be offline, my land line will be unplugged and my mobile, thou it will be on for the school just incase, will not be answered or replied to unless it is the school. This is not because I'm being unsociable, but because I don't want to talk to anyone tomoro!!!!! Anyone who knows me will understand!

Thursday Thirteen #12

2007-01-04T00:01:00.000Z

Thirteen Random facts about me.

1…I DETEST mushrooms. Even the smell of them makes me ill.

2...I have really small feet. (Well, I did say random facts!)

3...I can read a 400 page book in approx. 3 hours.

4...I can play the Piano (Grade 5), Clarinet (also Grade 5) and every member of the Recorder family (again at Grade 5).

5...I have only cried in front of 4 people since I was 7.

6...I'm actually far more intelligent than my job, mannerisms and character convey.

7...My English Lit 'A'-Level result was the highest in my college, and I slept thru half of each exam, still managing to produce over 14 handwritten sheets of A4 for each exam and my coursework (2 essays, one on sympathising with the character of Stanley in 'A Streetcar Named Desire' and one exploring the impact that being childhood outcasts had on Jane Eyre from 'Jane Eyre' and Heathcliff from 'Wuthering Heights' as they reached adulthood and took their places in society) took me a total of 12 hours to complete.

8...My greatest achievement in life will always be my son, even if I went on to impact the world somehow, it would still be my boy.

9...If there's a big-ass spider in my house I have to get my mother over to catch it.

10...I have a really, really high pain threshhold.

11...I have discussed parts of my childhood with only 2 people. Neither of which I turned to when I had to face my biological mother in November.

12...If I can do it myself I will. I will only turn to people if I have no other choice.

13...I found this list really, really hard to write!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Pondering stuffs, as I occasionally do!

2007-01-03T23:32:00.000Z

Well, I do.

Once, a person I counted as a true friend told me that when he was feeling all out of sorts he turned to his music. As he was a DJ and a little bit odd, I didn't really put much stock in it...much like I don't put much stock in the theory that if you believe in God and need an answer you just open your Bible and point at a verse. It's a theory that doesn't hold much water as it can be interpreted to fit each individual therefore lacks some sort of elegence to me.

However, feeling a lot out of sorts and very funky, I was cluching at straws and decided to give the music thing a try. I had tried meditation, cleaning, nesting, reading, you name it, all those things that normally allow me to compartmentalize my emotions and none of them had worked...so I turned to my music. And I have to say, after dressing up (for myself, how sad is that exactly) and donning my heels, I popped my headphones on and have spent the last hour exhasting myself headbanging, dancing and laughing. Perhaps there is something in this music thing. I was just bummed out that I couldn't sing too...it's far too late for that!!!

In other news...we must worship my little man. This morning, despite being short on sleep, he got up at 7am and was bathed, dressed and was sat eating his breakfast by 7:30am. I know I have it easy because there's only one of him, but you have to admit that is quite impressive!!!!!

I then went into town under the misguided assumption that I actually had money in the bank. This was a cruel lie that the cashpoint told me last night BEFORE the Direct Debits came out. So, I get into town with a £5 note and nothing else. This really made me feel awful. For one thing, I had my heart set on the new Karin Slaughter novel, which was in the bookstore this morning...and had a £4 off sticker on it, so they wouldn't put it to one side for me. But never fear...tomorrow morning I SHALL BE ON THEIR DOORSTEP WHEN THEY OPEN...THAT BOOK WILL BE MINE!

Despite the downer I was on, I went and bought some milk, a paper and some crossiants, and then realized I had just enough to afford a take-away coffee from the new coffee house in town. Their coffee is DIVINE. I went in on Sunday with Emily for a quick coffee and had a giant mocha, with just the right amount of chocolate and REAL WHIPPED CREAM. I could actually feel my ass getting bigger with every mouthful, but it was worth it, so very worth it. I'm just glad we both managed to resist the beautiful 'double chunk chocolate fugde' cake...though not for long, even now, far, far away from it and in the middle of the night, I can hear it calling my name. Seductive and gentle, this tiny whisper saying 'eat me, you know you want to' **NOTE: This is a representation of what THE CAKE is saying...just for all you perverts out there** So, anyway, my point, because I was making one, was that I went and bought this beautiful latte and went and sat and read my paper and drank my coffee. For once, I used the last of my money to treat myself to something that I didn't need but I did want.

I think thats about it for now...I wasn't really intending to ramble on this much, it's so unlike me!

Self reflection and general babble.

2007-01-01T18:44:00.000Z

Randomly, I need to find somewhere that has this song on Karoke. I miss getting up, in a dingy crowded pub, and strutting my stuff, and its been a full 18 months since I last did so, so any help would be gratefully recieved!

In other news, ummm, not much really. I need to meditate tonight, as my head is too full of 'stuff'. Hurt and anger are in there, along with some betrayal and general negativity. I need t o have a bit of a spring clean in my head....maybe posting AFTER that would have been a better idea.

About 6 months ago, I made a point of pampering myself once a week, religioulsly. That, among other things that are for me more than anyone else have fallen to the wayside recently, so I also need to get that sort of thing back on track.

So, I am taking my randomness and craziness to one side and will post once there is less in my head!

New Year coming.

2006-12-30T23:37:00.000Z

I hate this time of year. It encourages me to look back at the year thats gone, and for some reason I always focus on the bad things I've done and the mistakes I've made. I can't seem to help it.

A year is a long time, and the difference in my life and myself, is actually quite incredible, even to me.

This time last year, I relied on a man for emotional support and company, now I really, really don't. At best, I might need to spend an hour or two a week on the phone to one of my friends, or 16 hours at work, for example. Nowadays, as of 6:30pm every evening I am in one of two places, at home or at work. That's ok with me. Which surprises me, but then, I'm not the person I was a year ago. My life may be boring, and dull, and lonely, but ITS MINE. I, now, rely on NOBODY for anything. If I need something that I can't do for myself, eg, babysitting, I PAY SOMEONE. If I need furniture moving, or putting up, or dismantling, I do it myself. If I need food shopping, I walk up and do it. It's nice. I KNOW right in the bottom of my shoes that at the end of the day, I no longer NEED anyone. Anyone who's in my life, is there because I want them to be, not because I have to have them. Even Phil. I can and do do it without him for a lot of things, if not everything, but I've made the choice to put my son first, and therefore, the choice to have him in my life, for all the shit he gives me!

I'm actually feeling hopeful for 2007, which is a new thing for me. Things seem to be just where they need to be. I'm revelling in my independence, forging new friendships, building a new relationship, on my terms and at this stage, with a level of caution that means its still in its baby steps stage, things are looking good. My son is growing, fast and furiously, emotionally and physically, and so am I.

Happy New Year all, I probably wont post till I do my moaning at 2am about my neighbours tomoro night!

Thursday Thirteen #11 (a day late!)

2006-12-29T13:43:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I aim to do in the following year.

1…Give up smoking.

2...Eat better, gotta stop nibbling!

3...Exercise more...I will lose another 2 stone!!!

4...Have more sex (I know this is supposed to be at least a little family friendly but quite honestly, the clash in our schedules means its been A MONTH...A MONTH PEOPLE....THIS WILL NOT BE HAPPENING AGAIN!)

5...Make even more new friends. I've learnt how to do it now, and am on a bit of a roll!

6...Redecorate the house, I've started putting the money by for it!

7...Get the 3 armchairs OUT of my bedroom!

8...Learn to drive. I can drive, I just need to take the test, so I'm considering a crash course before the summer!

9...Spend more time with my son. Cos there is no such thing as too much time with him!

10...Maintain this relationship (there, I said the word) properly, so that I can introduce him to my son.

11...Laugh in my ex-husbands face (but then, I do that as often as I can)

12...Destroy a woman whos been deserving it since September (I know, not very nice of me but then I'm not always very nice and she's taken something that was mine and is not doing as she should, its all very complaicated!)

13...Blog more, and have a more exciting life to blog about!!!!
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Belated Merry Christmas to all!

2006-12-27T21:19:00.000Z

Can you believe I actually FORGOT to post this Christmas, how unlike me!!!

Christmas was actually quite uneventful, my boy was good, my ex was well behaved, my family were too!!!!

I got the following for Christmas...

A book (one that I wanted!)
A 'mum' locket, from Emily and my boy
A cordless drill (LOVE my parents)
A new screwdriver set (again LOVE my parents)
A 3D Jigsaw (LOVE my aunt)
Some bath stuff that makes me glittery
A diary (I already have one but I didnt like to say)
Some odds of sweets from Graeme, which was a really nice pressie actually!
A small box of Milk Tray
and a bottle of wine and packet of fags from Secret Santa!!!

A very good haul this year actually!!!!!

And thats about all my gossip really, work has been fun, and my boy was far too good, but I don't really have the energy to wax lyrical tonight, I'm having a bath and then monging on the sofa!

tired, wired, and generally crazy!

2006-12-23T00:26:00.000Z

We'll start with the tired, which is a no-brainer as I worked tonight!!! On the plus side there wasnt that much to do, and our sales were amazing for today over 7K!!!!!!! Thats actually all there is to report about work!

The wired then, that to has to do with work, and the fact that I am sat up waiting for a very important phone call (yes, I know its 12:30am, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!), and that I have just finished Thomas Harris' 'Hannibal Rising'. IT IS FANTASIC!!! Any fans of Thomas Harris' work will love it, I could barely put it down to go to work, but I figure that its not the sort of thing I can get a Dr's note for!!! But, despite having to put it down for 5 hours, I started it today, and finished it today, and its stunning. Its plot-line is based on Hannibal Lector's childhood and early adulthood, one imagines it is trying to explore the sort of experiences that lead to such a diabloical character that he created with Lector. Its gripping, gory and definately the sort of book you try to read while the sun is up. Having just read Karin Slaughter's 'Faithless' yesterday, I'm surprised I can sleep with the light off!!! I highly recommend Karin Slaughter to any fans of Patrica Cornwell or Lee Child, and I recommend Thomas Harris' books to EVERYBODY IN THE WORLD. I picked up my first one when I was 12 and have been hooked since. I shouldnt really have bought it but I couldn't walk past it and not own it. I know that the library is a wonderful resouce and so on, but frankly, I'd rather own the books that are gonna become my best friends than have to give them back to someone who couldnt possibly love them as much as I do!

To any newcomers to this blog, yes I am a book freak, and I'm proud of it. To illustrate this I should mention that any month in which I read less than 20 books, at least 10 of them completely new to me, is a slow month. If I could get paid to read all day every day, that would be my absolute dream job. I spend more on books a month than I actually spend on clothes, shoes, and cigarettes combined. But at least its not money wasted. The only books in my house that have only been read once are the ones I've bought this month. Most of my books have been read at least 5 times, and some of them I have been reading and re-reading since I was 12. And still I never tire of sinking into another world, another time, another life. Either I take escapism too far or I am a bit on the odd side!!!!

JAMMIE DAY!!!! YAY!!!!!

2006-12-22T15:10:00.000Z

Me and the boy are having a jammie day today, they are our favourite sort of day!!!! Therefore, a whole lot of nothing has been going on!!!!

But I must point something out. The other day, I was complaining about my not to stellar record of Christmas', and Dave mentioned last Christmas in the comments section. So, I decided to address this. The part of Christmas that I was referring to as being crappy was the fact that it was my first Christmas on my own, that I cooked a full turkey roast just for myself, that I didnt get a present from my son, that Phil could only stomach my company for an hour so Edward barely saw him. In my eyes, although there were some good parts during the day, made it a crappy Christmas. I was in no way suggesting that there wasnt any part of the day that I enjoyed, but that overall, it was crappy, and I challenge anyone to disagree with that!!!

So this Christmas is gonna be much the same really, am doing the traditional Christmas morning fry-up and apparently Philip is staying for that. We're going to my Aunt's for dinner, despite my insistance that we dont spend Christmas day with any one side of the family, cos it makes for all sorts of tugs of war over Edward, but thats just my opinion as his mother, which holds no sway with anyone really.

In other random unrelated news, I'm thinking of changing the template for Christmas, but if I do, it'll be back to normal with a couple of weeks!!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #10

2006-12-21T20:21:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I should be doing instead of sitting and reading Karin Slaughter's 'Faithless'

1…Cooking Christmas cookies.

2...Making bows for presents.

3...Working out what to buy the ex-in-laws from the boy.

4...Cooking a Devil's food chocolate cake for Sue.

5...Having a bath.

6...Wrapping presents.

7...Finding the boys stocking.

8...Writing my last few Christmas cards.

9...Prep-ing for Christmas eve's roast.

10...Cooking up the apple sauce.

11...Finding table cloth, candles, and place settings for Christmas dinner.

12...Phoning my parents.

13...Washing, the washing up, and ironing.

But hang it all, they'll all still need doing tomoro, cos it was all I could do to put my book down long enough to write this!!!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Tired now

2006-12-19T23:49:00.000Z

I'm so tired, I should be asleep, instead I'm wired from working.

Work was actually reasonably easy tonight, I LOVE it when the delivery is completed by the time I start, it makes my job much easier. Thou I'd love to know who got what looks like some sort of tar on our floors, it didnt matter what I did, it wasnt coming off!!!

In other news, today, me and my boy went to town, and he bought his bus ticket all by himself!!!!! He's growing up so fast!!! He stepped up, asked for a 1/2 to town, and then handed over his money and took his ticket. Bless him. I figure that if he's determined to be independent then I might as well help him to be, rather than blocking him from it. Its exciting for me, because he's such a strong willed, well adjusted little boy, who is growing into a young man right in front of me. In the same breath its terribly heart breaking as he needs me less and less, and he's only 5!!!!!

I think thats possibly enough pointless rambling from me, I should never be allowed to talk or type once I'm this tired....I should just be locking in a room all by myself, until I sleep!!!!

I don't like Mondays very much

2006-12-18T10:06:00.000Z

Thou, to be fair the title has so little to do with this post!

I don't have much to report...things between me and Phil are strained, things between me and mum are strained, things between me and some of my friends are strained.....dontcha just love Christmas!!!!

As far as Christmas goes, all I've done so far is put the tree up. I can't be bothered with much else, it seems that every Christmas for the last 6 years has been kinda crappy, so I'm only bothering for the boy this year. I even have to go and pick out and pay for my own present from him, and then get his father to take him to pick it up, cos Phil wont even pay for his son to buy me a present, but its ok, cos it will be my first ever present from Edward. How sad is that.

If I had my way, there would be no tree, no presents, no anything. I'd spend the day on my own, with no phone calls or other things. But I'm not allowed to do that because of the boy, but I can honestly say that I'm not looking forward to it even a little bit. It seems my life has beaten my love of Christmas out of me.

Thou, on a more positive note, I sat and watched part one of the first ever Terry Pratchett to be televised.......Sky One have done an adaptation of 'HOGFATHER' and it is FANTASTIC. I can't wait for the other half, thats on tonight. My phones going off, my door is gonna be locked, and I may be drinking wine. The only reason I've avoided the bottle of wine thats been in my house for the last 10 days is because I don't like drinking when I'm lonely, strikes me as drinking to numb the pain, which I wont do.

And thats it. I still have to go and do mums, and then try to get a handle on some of my own stuff. Then I get the spend a lot of the next 2 weeks with the boy, cos its the last day of school today!

I am NOT a morning person

2006-12-17T10:06:00.000Z

Not even slightly.

Once the alarm went off, me and the boy staggered downstairs still asleep and crashed back out on the sofa. Opps.

Its now after 10am and I am still only just waking up, not the ideal state to be in when faced with the evil ex-hubby. But thats ok, cos despite the fact that I definately looked like s**t.....I really did, he STILL came on to me. So now I know that it actually has nothing to do with the fact that its me, and everything to do with the fact that he's trapped.

I actually have nothing else to report today. Last night was so deathly dull, there was nothing on the telly that I wanted to watch, the only people who talked to me were Graeme and Adrian, always fun, but still, that was it, 2 people all night. I nearly went looking for a chat room to hang out in...but they scare me, and move too fast for me to keep up and I couldnt face the confusion just for some sort of human contact.

So, plans for the day...housework, housework, housework, and then I may possibly take myself out for coffee, and maybe a trip to Waterstone's, I need a pick me up and a book might just do the trick.

Have a good day all!

Randomness

2006-12-15T23:55:00.000Z

*puts finger over mouth and makes 'shhhhhh'-ing sound*.....not a word, oh manager of mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not one single 'I told you so'!!!!!!

Title to be inserted by anyone who can think of one!

2006-12-15T23:07:00.000Z

BLEUGH.

That is kinda my theme for the day today. I have offically had quite enough of the chaos and hassle, and am just feeling BLEUGH.

Last night was a nightmare. Work was ok, actually nice and gentle, I took it kinda slow, and it still got done...I even faced-up!

But then, unintentionally, ended up in a row of sorts with Philip. It started because I rallied against the injustice of all the things that his new girlfriend gets from him that I didnt ever. Not just the emotional support and the help around the house, but that he can get home straight after work for her, and she always knows where he is. Things that I got down on my knees and abased myself to try and get from him. He just couldn't do it for the mother of his child and the woman he married.

He had mentioned to me that he had to get home because she is unwell. Now, as a general rule I don't wish ill on anyone, so I was sympathetic to his plight, but there's a 'but. On at least 2 occasions I phoned him and asked him to come home because I was miscarrying and I needed him to have the boy. He didn't come home when I phoned, or after he finished work, infact on one of the occasions he didnt come home till 9pm (he worked until 5:30). So, naturally I took issue with the way he is happy to take care of her, when he couldnt do it for me. HE HAD FORGOTTEN THAT IT EVER HAPPENED. I kid you not, MY HUSBAND FORGOT THAT I HAD 2 MISCARRAGES DURING OUR RELATIONSHIP. I actually had 3, but I didnt ever tell him about the first one, and I shant ever, because Edward stayed where he was, so there was no reason to tell him.

I MARRIED THIS MAN.

THROUGH MY OWN CHOICE.

I SHOULD BE SECTIONED.

On Tuesday I was unwell, I had a stomach bug, and the first thing Philip asked was whether I was pregnant or not, and I lost my temper, and he didnt realize why until last night.

Sometimes, when I look back, I HATE myself for being so spineless. For putting him above all else, protecting him and helping him. I can't believe, looking at myself now, that I let it happen. That I put up with the way he treated me. In the same breath, sometimes I look back and wonder if I dont deserve to be treated any better, because the man I married is capable of treating a woman like something other than a possession, a toy, something to treat anyway you liked, but he couldnt do it for me, and one has to ask why not.

So, the bleugh makes sense, but tomorrow will be a brighter day, as it's my weekend off, so I have ALL DAY with my beautiful boy, who makes any pain, suffering or torment that I endured with Philip completely worth it.

Thursday Thirteen #9

2006-12-14T11:28:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I missed while I wasn't online

1...BLOGGING!!!! I may not do it as regularly as I should......But there's been more than a few things that I wanted to blocg about this last 3 weeks.

2..THURSDAY THIRTEEN'S....I got up one Thursday morning, ready to do my 13, to find my internet was down....I nearly cried!

3...Being able to Google anything that took my interest.

4...Chatting to friends.....I have so few in the 'real' world.

5...Checking my favorite blogs daily......I had to spend HOURS in front of the computer yesterday..............Oh well!

6...Window shopping. I don't buy online at the moment, but I love looking at the pretty things I would buy if I could afford it.

7...Keeping up to date with my favorite shows.

8...GOSSIP.....I missed out on LOTS of gossip!

9...Support. I still find it amazing how supportive people online can be, and I really could have used some support just lately.

10...Random emails. You know, the ones that are just plain random but make you laugh anyway!

11...Telling people about the amusing things my son has done, or the annoying things my ex has done.

12...VENTING.......My lounge door has taken a beating lately....I need to buy a new one now *blushes*

13...All the things I do online that aren't especially important, but do stave off the boredom!

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WOO HOO I'M BACK ONLINE!!!

2006-12-13T11:07:00.000Z

YAY..... my internets been reconnected.......FINALLY......I've been without it for 23 DAYS.......so I'm off to do all the things I've been missing and will post properly later!!!!

Monday Madness

2006-11-20T14:52:00.000Z

1. In order to protect my computer from viruses, I use _______.

In order to protect my computer from viruses, I use AntiVir adn Zone Alarm.

2. I also use _______ for protection from spyware.

I also use *blushes* nothing for protection from spyware. (Adds to the to-do list)

3. I don't spend nearly enough time _______.

I don't spend nearly enough time on myself.

4. The first person I usually talk to in the morning is _______.

The first person I usually talk to in the morning is either my son, or a special friend.

5. It takes me about _______ to get ready in the morning.

It takes me about 10 minutes to get ready in the morning.

6. I keep all my appointments in/on _______.

I keep all my appointments in my head if they are soon, on my phone if they are more than 3 months away (gotta love my memory sometimes!)

7. It takes me about _______ to fall asleep at night.

It takes me about anywhere from 5 minutes to 5 hours to fall asleep at night.

In Loving Memory...

2006-11-17T09:55:00.000Z

Dearest Gun-Gun,

I heard of your passing just yesterday. I was at work, and it was as if the world had stopped for a moment or two.

I never have been good at articulating my deepest feelings, and it saddens me that you might not know just how much I love you, and always have. How I was always so proud to be your Granddaughter.

I put off getting in touch with you, because I was ashamed of how I was struggling, and I didnt want you to see it. I wanted so badly to be the person you wanted me to be, and I didnt want to show you that I'm not there yet. I'm so sorry. I wish I could do these last few years over.

I miss you already. As soon as I heard the news, the first thing that came into my mind was the smell of being safe in your arms, pipe tobacco and aftershave. You've always been larger than life to me. Then I remembered all the times I visited as a child, to find speacial treats in the cupboard, bought just for me and Johnathon. Speacial times when I felt so spoiled, so cared for.

I remember how you refused to have your Granddaughter accept charity. How you made sure that I was able to afford the things that stopped me being the target of bullys. How you showed me that I could be better than I was expected to be. How you never judged me, even when you felt I was making the wrong choices. How you let me make my own mistakes and didnt ever hate me for them.

I wish I had listened more, spent more time with you, told you more about me. I wish I could show you who I am right now, how I've changed in the last 6 months. I wish that I had posted the letter that I wrote. I wish that I had made more of an effort. I hope you never doubted my love for you.

I hope you find peace, wherever you are now.

All my love
Your Tizzie

Thursday Thirteen #8

2006-11-16T12:20:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I say on a daily basis

1…"Look where your going or you'll fall over" - to my son, the dreamer, who will walk into lamp posts, walls, puddles, hedges, you name it!

2..."ARGGGHHHHHHHH" - normally at work!!!!

3..."Don't make me beat/bite you!" - to anyone who happens to annoy me

4..."Come on then, what else have you got?!" - directed heaven-wards, normally after my day has progressed to utter chaos.

5..."WHERE ARE MY GLASSES?" - I'm blind as a bat without them, and I lose them at least once a day!

6..."I'll see you later, in your dreams" - to my son, after a night time kiss and cuddle.

7..."Why is there a pencil/piece of string/small creature/handful of mud in your pocket?" - again to my son...I don't talk to adults much

8..."ok, that was REALLY gay!" - to Adrian, cos he really does get gay-er as the day gets later!

9..."YOU DID WHAT?" - to the ex-husband

10..."No baby, Daddy doesnt love his new family more than you" - this is the saddest one, especially as 'daddy' has only known the woman for 8 weeks, and is living with her and playing daddy to her kids...my poor boy.

11..."yes mum" - need I say more?!

12..."I love you and I am so proud of you" - to my boy, of course!

13..."I'm gonna f***ing kill him" - with passion and deep hatred, to anyone who I happen to talk to about the ex-husband!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Monday Madness

2006-11-13T11:37:00.000Z

1. From ch'i:If you could only read one blog every day- which one blog would be on your daily list?

I really couldnt choose just one...Maybe two or three, but not just one!

2. From kat:What do you do to de-stress from a hectic day?

Have a hot bath, with a good book, pop my jammies on and snuggle up and watch telly/read/jigsaw.

3. From paxil princess:What is your favorite piece of clothing to wear in the winter?

JEANS......actually, they're my favourite at all times of year!

4. From sherle:Do you prefer discussing problems with a sibling, a parent, a significant other, a psychologist, or a total stranger?

With a significant other if I have one, but failing that, myself.

5. From trista:How long have you been blogging?

About 18 months give or take

6. From lisa e:Which side of the bed?

The WHOLE bed thank you very much (and its a King-Size!)

7. From elton:How often do you pig out when you eat?

Far too often, I have a complex about clearing my plate, stemming from going hungry too often. Unfortunately, this does mean that if I'm not watched I will eat until I hurt!

8. From karen:Do you watch the space shuttle launches?

Nope, never, holds no interest for me.

9. From dawn:What's your favorite leisure-time activity?

READING, READING and READING.

10. From sherle:When is the last time you said, 'I love you' and to whom? What about hugs? Who is the last person you hugged?

This morning, to my son, who replied with 'I love you till I burst'...as for hugs, same goes, my son, this morning.

An Open letter to customers of _ in ________.

2006-11-10T09:10:00.000Z

(I wont actually mention the store name or location......I do like having a job!)

After dealing with your charming selves for nearly a year, I feel it is time to mention a couple of things.

First off, just because I work behind a till does not make me an idiot. I work in a shop, this is true, but it is my CHOICE, not because I am too stupid to work anywhere else. I am intelligent and capable, and 9 times out of 10, I generally have a higher IQ then you. The action of working behind a till makes me in no way inferior to you, and there is no reason to doubt that I am able to speak coherently or keep up with current events.

There is no reason to look at me in shock when I say something like 'Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening', it's just plain good manners, its not special treatment, its not because I am attracted to you, it is simply because I have manners and use them. It worries me that you find this so surprising. Looking at me like I've grown an extra head, or, my current favorite, looking up and saying 'WHAT?' is not necessary. Just because I am able to pay attention to you as I serve you, whilst you are oblivious to my existence is no excuse for being rude.

I do not appreciate trying to serve you your goods while you are chatting away on your mobile phone. Again, we are back to basic manners. How am I supposed to be able to ask you for the money you owe for your goods while you are busy making up with your girlfriend?

Also, if I ask you if you require anything else, I am generally referring to the tobacco products that are behind the till. I do not expect you to say......'yes, butter.' and then head down to the other end of the shop while other customers are waiting for you to come back just for butter. This is also bad manners! And by asking if you want to purchase anything else, I am, again, not signaling that I am attracted to you, but asking politely if you need anything else. Therefore, when you ignore me, and then 2 minutes later come back and say 'oh....I need (insert product here)', it makes me just a little cross. I understand that you don't really see me, that I am just white noise to you, but manners people, MANNERS.

If you have a problem with a member of staff, there is no reason to come and find me and tell me about it incessantly. For a start, you likely treated him with as much disrespect and indifference as you do me, and secondly, if you have a complaint, talk to management. Why you seem to expect me to send him home and run the shop on my own is beyond me. There is nothing I can do, expect waste 10 minutes of my shift listen to you repeat yourself.

When you are drunk, it is in no way amusing to see you come in, walk to a section of the store that I have actually faced up and start rearranging stock. You may think your funny, but your not, and I think its possible you have this problem in a lot of areas of your life.

Asking me if I would let you 'make love to me', 'take me home and **** me senseless', or 'bend over again so I can see your bum' in no way makes me think better of you. If I was interested in you, I would display this in some other way than asking you to leave the store. I am not at work for your amusement, or for you to hit on. Can I make this any clearer?

As for my collar. It is discreet. Most of the time, the buckle is tucked under my hair so it just looks like a chocker anyway. It is a symbol of the fact that I am comfortable with, and proud of, who and what I am. There is no reason to assume that it means I am either easy or 'making a statement'. Nor am I rebelling in anyway. It is not a 'phase', or just decoration. It is personal to me, and while I am happy to explain its symbolism to you, its impolite to ask. I don't ask you why you wear the absurd clothes that you do, or the ridiculous jewelry. At least mine is just plain black.

And finally, when I tell you something that you don't want to hear, for example, that we don't have any carrier bags, or that you can only purchase Lottery products with cash, I AM NOT LYING TO YOU. Why would I be lying about carrier bags? With all the effort I put in to be pleasant and polite, what makes you think that the words 'I'm very sorry but we are out of carrier bags' is actually me telling you that I am hiding them behind the till/out the back/up my ass. I am not trying to inconvenience you, I am letting you know something that is fact. There is no reason to lean over the till, into my personal space to check whether there are any bags there. And as for Lottery products, for as long as I have worked in retail, (6 years or so) LOTTERY HAS ALWAYS BEEN PAID FOR WITH CASH. It is store policy, and always has been. I am not denying you the right to a ticket or scratchcard, and I am not doing it for my own amusement. It is the way it always has been, and its just the way it is.

Oh, and one thing I forgot...

THE EGGS ARE IN THE MIDDLE AISLE, AT THE END, ON THE LEFT HAND TOP SHELF.

Your long suffering, friendly shop-girl.

Booking through Thursday

2006-11-10T00:19:00.000Z

Booking Through Thursday

Mary wants to know...

Do you keep a list of books to read? No, thou I keep a wish list of books, and a list of publication dates for the next book out in any series I'm currently reading. My reading schedule is too random for a list!

Where do you keep your list (computer, PDA, paper, etc.)? Wish list....on amazon of course!!!! As for publication dates, they go on my calendar and in my diary *blushes*

How often do you refer to your list? Every time you go for a new book to read? When book shopping? Or? Only when I really want to get a book in a series and cant remember the title really. I tend towards finding new authors in my local bookshop, and as for a book to read, I'll pick up the closest one to my hand, and if I haven't read it in the last 6 months, then I'll read it. Most of my books are on their 20th plus reading!

Thursday Thirteen #7

2006-11-09T11:28:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I like about living alone

1…I can eat cereal for dinner if I want to!!!!!

2...I never have to share chocolate.

3...If I dont want to wash up...I dont!!!!

4...If I want to go to bed at 7pm I can.

5...Conversly, if I want to stay up til 2am I can.

6...There's no-one to laugh at me when I'm wearing pink flannel jammies.

7...I can curl up with my teddy bear, and not have to worry about putting someones nose out of joint.

8...All descions about interior design are MINE and MINE ALONE

9...I never have to share chocolate (did I mention this before??? It bears mentioning twice!)

10...If I choose to spend 7 hours reading, no-one cares.

11...No-one steals my socks anymore!!!!!!!!

12...When I do wash up, its usually 2 plates, 2 cups, 2 sets of cutlery.

13...No-one can moan about the length of time I spend online!!!!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Sometimes you just gotta scream

2006-11-08T14:32:00.000Z

ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHH

See, sometimes you just gotta!!!!!!!!

My bloods still boiling right now so I will do a real post later, but I just had to get that out!

NEW TEMPLATE ALERT!!!!!

2006-11-07T16:00:00.000Z

I know, I've done it again, but I could resist it when I saw this one......so pretty, next I just have to get some snowflakes in time for Christmas!!!!!!!

Monday Madness, a day late......D'OH

2006-11-07T13:00:00.000Z

Using the letters in your name (first, last, both, whatever), describe your life!

T...Thankless (see previous posts that contain the phrase 'ex-husband')
H...Hopeful
E...Endlessly full of Chaos
R...Ridiculous at times
E...Eternal gratefulness (for my son!)
S...Sad
A...Apspiring

D...Dark (I have my moments!)
R...Risque (at least my sense of humour is!)
A...All over the place
K...Kindness of friends
E...Echoes of 'what could have been'

Does this make ANY sense??? If not, then I don't particuarally care!

Please note: I ma not responsible for any spelling mistakes, I am eating chocolate cake as I type!!!!!

SHHHHHHH.............I have a secret

2006-11-05T21:40:00.000Z

I do, honest, well actually I have lots, but this one is a biggy........

I have an infamous temper. I don't mean to but I can go and go and go and not lose my temper, and then one lil thing will send me insane............As in rip the lounge door of its bottom hinge insane........Its viscous and violent (and secretly, I love it, so much passion when I lose it, it reminds me I'm alive). Today, I got pushed over that edge, it was my own fault, I should have looked before I opened the document. HOWEVER, I DIDN'T BREAK ANYTHING........Not even a nail. I didn't even shout or lose it at the person who actually would have deserved the dressing down I so badly did.....This was cos of my secret you see, I have found an outlet for my oh so expressive temper!!!!!!! I would tell people what the secret to it is, but for one, its not gonna make me any money, so why bother, and two, its not something that is widely available due to my dislike of sharing things!

In other news.........A whole lot of nothing really.....My son's father has moved in with a woman he has known for 7 weeks and been seeing for 5 of them, my son's father is not a good father, and he is STILL coming onto me.......Now, I know I'm kinda hot at the moment, but come on.........I'm not that good...............I know this all too well today!!!!

Oh, and I baked today.........Which is a big thing for me, cos I haven't been able to afford ingredients for any non-essential cooking for so long that it was pure pleasure to bake a devil's food chocolate cake.....I may have to take some in to Graeme in the morning, he may need the chocolate by the school run!!!!!!!!!

So, other than explaining to my 5 yr old that 'daddies new family' (his words not mine) is not more important than him, and explaining to my parents that there's only so many hours in a day, and explaining to random staff members that I am ONLY A SUPERVISOR PEOPLE, and explaining to my ex-husband that I may have to hurt him if he doesn't buck his ideas up, and explaining to myself just why randomly attacking people is not allowed, its been a good weekend, full of cooking, food shopping and rearranging furniture.........Don't you wish you had my life???!!!!!

A COUPLE OF IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENTS!!!

2006-11-03T16:09:00.000Z

Firstly I must mention that I didn't get half of the things done I wanted to yesterday.......They have just had to be added to Monday's list............sometimes I hate my life!

Now on to the important announcements.......

Work got 19 cages in today.............and IT'S MY WEEKEND OFF I'm so thrilled!!!!!!!!!!

My boy brought his first homework home today................my boy has homework.............it's very exciting, I have to help him with some spelling, and some maths...........I'm really disproptionally excited about it all, but its a rite of passage and it shows how he's growing up!!!!

I finally fixed my dishwasher........WOOHOO........it's running right now, which means I actually only have to wash up a frying pan (from my bacon and tomatoes!)

Oh, and I've made Graeme's 'Featured Blog's' today.........very cool, I think at least...............may make me even more popular!!!!!

And, there's been nothing from my stalker since my post about her.............LOL!

Thursday Thirteen #6

2006-11-02T10:27:00.000Z

Thirteen Things on my 'to-do' list today.

1...Post my TT!!!!!

2…Housework, and LOTS of it. Washing up, washing, hoovering, and just everything!

3...Bill paying, especially my council tax.

4...Chat to my bank and see what is happening there!

5...Wash my hair. It is wild and unruly at the moment.

6...Cook dinner before the school pick up.

7...Drink more coffee (I had a bottle of wine last night, it was an accident thou!)

8...Find my work keys (gotta love the 5 yr old!)

9...Deal with my ex-husband, which is becoming harder everytime I see the ****

10...Take some sort of seditive BEFORE I see the ex.......just so that I don't actually kill him!

11...Go to work..........and before that PRAY that the s**t doesnt hit the fan before my shift, I just wanna go in and do my job, thats all!!

12...Buy bacon............I have a real letch on for a fry up, I've started DREAMING about one, I am officially crazy!

13...SLEEP, SLEEP and SLEEP.....as my son felt I should be up at 6:30am this morning!!!!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

So tired...so very tired

2006-11-01T16:58:00.000Z

I thought I'd add another installement of my exciting, nail-bitingly tension filled life. I apologise in advance if it puts anyone to sleep!!!!!!!

I would have blogged last night, but I was just too tired.

I got into work and there were 8 cages of the 9 cage delivery that arrived at 8:30am. This shows you just a little how busy we were. I actually spent all of my 4 hours on the till, and I was supervising!!!!! In that 4 hours, my GA and I took £2597........£1100 and odd of that was from MY till, we were BUSY. REALLY REALLY BUSY. I was actually crazy in there. I know that it was halloween and all, but even so!!!!!!!!!

And thats actually about it. I cleaned for mum, moved furniture for my aunt, and tided my house, cooked dinner and played with my boy.

Thou I do have to mention the conversation I had as I was scrubbing the dirt off my boy the other morning...

Me: "WHERE did all this dirt come from? You've been SLEEPING"

Boy: "ummm.......internet?!"

I have a stalker!

2006-10-30T16:57:00.000Z

I really do....perhaps stalker is the wrong phrase to use, but any one who visits my blog 11 times in less than an hour, and stays for 36 minutes is odd to say the least. I know who it is, but I'm not gonna name and shame them, cos I'm laughing too hard to be honest. Why would someone spend that much time here? Delving into my pyshie perhaps??? This is not the place I would post such things. Seeing whats going on in my life???? sounds reasonable, but really, I dont post anything THAT riviting.....honest I dont, even I know that!!!!! Perhaps they find my Thursday Thirteens and work life utterly fasinating............well, lucky them, I'm living my life and its not THAT thrilling!!!!! I am just beside myself with amusement to be honest, given that I'm a private person, why would I post things that are really winding me up or whatever on MY PUBLIC blog??????? Honestly, its absurd............but I thank them for putting a smile on my face at their expense, cos I was due a giggle......................and I really enjoyed it!

Monday Madness

2006-10-30T16:21:00.000Z

1. From bev:
Small town or big city?

Small town, at the most, given a choice I would live in a tiny tiny rural village........but as I can't afford to move or be that far from a town that has shops with food in them, small town is what I have to put up with!

2. From turtlemoonwave:
Do you have a favorite childhood memory, and if so, would you share it?

I don't really, not a 'favourite' one, some nice ones, and some nasty ones, but not one of those memories that makes you feel warm inside.

3. From cat:
How do you calm down when something has really upset and/or angered you? Do you swallow it? Call a friend and rant? Go in the bathroom and cry? Punch a wall? Walk around muttering to yourself, complete with scary hand gestures?

All of the above, also, cause random destruction, verbally bite anyone who looks at me a funny way (or a normal way for that matter), chain smoke, and strop around!

4. From dna princess:
What attratcs you to memes?'

They are addictive!!!!!! I only tried one out for fun........and havent stopped!! They are like cookies!

5. From mads:
How reliant are you on computers to get through your day?

Actually, not really, sometimes I go days without turning it on, and then some days I'm on here all day!

6. From tizzie:
In a crisis, are you calm or do you panic?

(YAY, my question!) BOTH. I'm calm and coping on the outside, taking control if necessary etc. However.........inside, a BIG BALL OF PANIC!

Thursday Thirteen #5

2006-10-26T16:08:00.000Z

Thirteen Things on my wish list.

1...A Nindeno DS (I'm a 15 yr old boy at heart sometimes)

2...Wireless internet (I just wanna IM people from my bed!)

3...Sky Movies back......I MISS SKY MOVIES!!!!!

4...PEACE AND QUIET (its half term.....he's been home all week, and nothing I have tried today has got him dressed yet!)

5...The ability to do a full food shop. (ok, a daft thing to have on your wish list I guess, but frankly, I never have the money, and when I have got the money, I cant get the damn stuff home!)

6...To learn to drive (see above mentioned shopping!)

7...new clothes......as I am now A SIZE SMALLER........I only have one pair of jeans that stay up!

8...a shower in my bathroom...........I just want to hop in, get clean, and hop out again, instead, I can never resist taking my time in the bath!

9...A garden..........or a house with a garden..........I want to be able to sit outside in a garden without looking like a freak for being sat on the concrete balcony outside!

10...To actually decorate this house. I've been here 3 years next month and only one room's been done so far.

11...a divorce.

12...more patience....I'm short on patience and long on temper this week.

13...more quality time with my son. Whilst I do enjoy my job, and love that he goes to school and loves it, I miss being a stay home mum, and I miss him!

I ROCK.....I REALLY REALLY DO

2006-10-25T12:59:00.000Z

My first post of the day (I need to post my 'tackle' for this week) HAS to be about my shift last night. I was too tired to blog last night, cos as I got to work (early no less) there was a 9 cage delivery arriving.............yes, at 18:30 or there abouts, there was me, walking in to 9 cages and just me and Trish. So, being as insane as I am, I pulled in the cages and everything, and got stuck in at about 19:20. I knew I had about 2 1/2 hours so thought I'd see just how much I could do in that time. One of the cages was the cigarettes, so I simply handed them to Trish. Then I worked 5 cages completely. Not spotted, not just glanced at, actually worked. Admittedly I played it a little safe cos I didnt fancy having tons of backstock, so things only went out if I could get at least half of the case. But still, for one person to do that much is pretty damn good. This being said, I HAVE TO STOP DOING THIS. Its no wonder that people expect me to do so much, when I keep actually doing it, damnit. I think laziness might be in order this weekend........no wait, I'm working with Graeme........we can't seem to help working when we're on weekends together............D'oh. So I guess I'll just be lazy tonight, and enjoy my last day off till next Wednesday!!!!!!

Oh, and to add to the chaos of today, had to take the boy for his booster jabs today..............that was not a good idea!!!! He hates me because I didnt explain that injections meant someone would be "putting pointy things in me". Bless 'im!

Monday Madness

2006-10-23T13:49:00.000Z

1. From: cassie:Dramas or comedies?

Both, Love either, depending on my mood and how much wine I have with me!!!!!!!

2. From: nutmegnine:Your neighbor has frequent noisy parties on nights before you need to get up early. Do you confront him directly, call the police, call your landlord, join in the debauchery, or seethe quietly and do nothing?

Seethe quietly, and then play loud music early in the morning when I know they have hangovers!!!!

3. From sherle:Are you more comfortable in big crowds or small groups?

Small groups as a preference, thou I manage quite well in large crowds too.

4. From zeno:Do you prefer Internet Explorer or Mozilla Firefox?

Maxthon actually, I love the tabs and just, well everything about it really!

5. From briar:They say you learn something new every day. What new thing did you learn today?

That every smile you fake has a price!

Monday Madness

Weekend off.......WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-21T11:07:00.000Z

The first, and most exciting thing to report is that IT IS MY WEEKEND OFF!!!!!!!! This, in actuality, means that I got up at 6:30 this morning, and was in Philip's car heading to Edward's football by about 8:40........but still, it is a weekend off. It also means that shortly I will be at my mothers, as Edward has been asking to see them all week, and its something to do that costs NOTHING.........NOTHING IS GOOD!!!!!!

The second piece of exciting news is something that I keep forgetting to tell anyone..........I HAVE LOST 1 AND 1/2 STONE IN THE LAST 12 MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY ME..........I am offically slimmer than I was at 18, so now I only have another 2 and a bit stone to go to get to my ideal weight...........how excited am I???!!! The only downside is the fact that none of my jeans fit and I had to steal a pair off my sister cos mine keep falling down (not as fun as it sounds, trust me!)

I actually think thats about it. I'm making an effort to keep my emotions off of here for now, cos quite frankly, there are some people who check this blog quite regularly, if only to hear how depressed I might be and then gloat............so I am definately denying them that satisfaction and getting on with things with.......wait for it........A SMILE ON MY FACE.

Daily LIfe

Thursday Thirteen #4

2006-10-19T09:47:00.000Z

Thirteen Things I couldn't live without.

1. My son.

2. COFFEECOFFEECOFFEE!!!!!!!!!!

3. Chocolate.

4. My son.

5. Books.

6. My friends at work.

7. The few friends that have stood by my thru the last year.

8. My son (he crops up a lot!).

9. My collar ('tis a statement of part of my identity)

10. Sky TV.

11. Cuddles on a stormy night.

12. Thunder and lightening.

13. Being online (not that I've been doing that much lately.)

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Thursday Thirteen

Back, I think

2006-10-19T09:44:00.000Z

ok, so you may have noticed the big-ass blogging hiatus. I just couldnt seem to get my head around blogging or anything else for that matter. HOWEVER.......I think that I should be able to manage the mindless task of putting details of my oh-so-boring life on here again, now that my emotions aren't overspilling into everything I try to say or do. Cos althougth I blog, I tend to wait until my emotions are under control before I do so, cos if they are under control I can talk about them without decending into my my hated state of snotty crying big mess. So I think I'll post a Thursday Thirteen and see how it goes from there!

An anniversary of sorts

2006-10-02T16:46:00.000Z

I know that its been a little quiet on here of late. And here is why. This is a quote from my blog written on this day a year ago. The day that my husband moved out.

"Today is the big day.......I'm terrified.........Absolutely quaking in
my boots.........Whilst I KNOW deep down inside that I can do this, right now I
am panicking like mad..........He's still sleeping at the moment so I've decided
to leave him til he wakes.......Just that little more time to get my emotions
back under wrap before I have to face this."

So, I have been just a little reflective, as well as trying to sort out my own emotions, and things have been just a little crazy in my head. I've been floundering in chaos and confusion, all the while trying to keep a happy face on it all for both my son and the outside world. I haven't even been able to articulate my feelings with any sort of coherence to myself, let alone to others. I'm sure that people the world over have gone through what I am going through, but, as human nature dictates, it seems to me that I am all alone. And I know I'm not, but I also know that part of the problem I'm having right now is because I relied to heavily on others this time last year, when I should have been doing things myself. I've also been discovering a couple of things about myself, things that I'm not entirely proud of, and that is taking some adjusting to as well. It seems that I'm having to reassess every aspect of my life, every decsion I have made in the last 6 years, and every consequence of my actions. Its not a fun place in my head right now....But its getting better, it must be as I am able to actually load up the computer today.....Which is kinda new for this last couple of weeks. Also, I'm starting to make a couple of positive changes, as difficult as they may be.

So, I thought I would blog today, as today is a huge day for me, a big,scary, pit of tangled emotions, but also a huge day. And now I must away to chat to the neighbour's as if there is nothing going on and then to go into work and play pretend for a little longer.

Thursday Thirteen #3

2006-09-21T08:17:00.000Z

heres one I made earlier.

Thirteen Things that make me smile

1ÂMy son. If itdidn'tt lackoriginalityy, he'd be all 13 things!

2...Thee smell of an autumn morning.

3...Myy work mates. The best thing about the job is them really.

4...Bakingg bread.

5... Terry Pratchett's books!

6... (at this pointIi had to stop for a few minutes to think of other things!) My family.

7...Musicc that needs to be headbanged too!

8... 'A Town called Eureka'......Aa fantastically funny new series on Sky One.

9... A hot bath, a glass of good wine, a good book, scented candles and 3 hours of not needing to do anything but enjoy.

10... Special people who can coax a smile out of me no matter how down or crappy I feel.

11... My son.Welll he is the best thing in my life.

12...Cleaningg (its shameful I know!)

13...Thee first cup of coffee of the day.

Links to other Thursday thirteener's!

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. Its easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Thursday Thirteen

dont panic

2006-09-20T16:30:00.000Z

i know this will set people worrying, they dont need to, but I wont be blogging for at least a couple of days. things seem to have gotten a touch too much, and i just dont have to mental capacity to blog as well, certainly not to be light and cheery. But i am ok, just very very 'bleugh'.

Monday Madness

2006-09-18T15:17:00.000Z

Ok, I know my posts have been meme heavy lately......but in fairness, theres not much going on in my life lately, and certainly nothing exciting enough to share with the world.......so here's another meme!

Monday Madness

1. How do you eat an oreo cookie? (from tricia) Being remarkably English I can honesty say I have never eaten one!
2. How long does it take you to eat lunch? 7-8 minutes. If I actually remember to eat it!
3. Caffeine or decaf? CAFFEINE.......lots and lots of caffeine.
4. Chicken or beef? Chicken, cos its cheaper.
5. Pen or pencil? Whatever's closest or hasnt been stolen by the boy!
6. Autumn or spring? Autumn. My favourite season, crisp air, brisk winds, beautiful colours; whats not to love!
7. Baseball or basketball? Neither on account of them being sports.
8. 'Survivor' or 'The Amazing Race?' Again neither, I DETEST reality TV with a firey passion.
9. Come up with one question I can ask our Monday Madness participants in the weeks to come. In a crisis, are you calm or do you panic?

Monday Madness Meme

I knew I forgot to do something on Thursday!

2006-09-15T23:54:00.000Z

Booking Through Thursday

Do you tend to read more books written by one gender over the other? There's a fair representation of both genders on my bookcase. I truely have no preference. As long as something is well written, I'll read it!

If so, which one? Men? Or women? Is this a deliberate choice? Or just something that kind of happened? ummmm.............all of my books are something that 'sort of happened', if I am attracted to a book or author, then I read it.

And (without wanting to get too personal), is this your gender? Unless I'm more confused than I thought, no!!!!!LOL

Thursday Thirteen, Edition #2

2006-09-13T21:56:00.000Z

I always mention my addiction to books. I never fully explain the extent of my problem. So I thought that the books that I've read since the 1st of September would be a fantastic 'Thursday Thirteen' on account of the fact that I'm on my 13th book so far this month!!! I have a tendancy to read as many as books by the same author as I can which is why you will see the same authors in the list. I'd have written a list of my favourite authors, but that would have to be a list of 60 odd. I am an addict and I either need help or a life!

Thirteen Books I've read this month.

1…'A Game of Thrones' - by George R.R. Martin. Its the first in an epic series of fantasy books, all knights and honour and intrigue and politics. I was hooked on the first page and went on to also read...

2...'A Clash of Kings', Book two by George R.R. Martin.

3...'A Storm of Swords: Steel and Snow', Part ONE of book three!!!(George R.R. Martin again!)

4...'A Storm of Swords: Blood and Gold', Part TWO of book three!!!(and again with the George R.R Martin!)

5...(last one by George R.R. Martin!) 'A Feast for Crows', Book four!

6...'The Killing Floor' by Lee Child. Am loving the protaganist in his books, rough, manly, and addictive!

7...'Tripwire' by Lee Child.

8...'Echo Burning' by Lee Child.

9...'Going Postal' by Terry Pratchett. I LOVE this man, I want to be his stalker. His writing actualy makes me laugh out loud frequently.

10...'Priestess of the White' by Trudi Canavan. Having read her first trilogy last month, I had to read this!

11...'Shadowfall' by James Clemens. The next book in the series goes into print next month, so I wanted to recap on the first book!

12...'Proven Guilty' by Jim Butcher. I had to order this one from amazon as it doesn't come out in the UK til next year, but I've already read the others he's written.

13...'The Enemy' by Lee Child. But I'm only half way thru this one!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Monday Madness and Tackle it Tuesday!

2006-09-11T22:11:00.000Z

Ok, so we'll start with the Monday madness, as it is still officially Monday.

I was instructed to wait in today between 8-6, for an engineer who would come and fit my pre-pay gas meter. Which I dutifully did, it gave me chance to do my Tackle it Tuesday project.

Then, at about 2:30 I decided to just double check what was going on with this blokey from the gas company. It would seem that they hadn't booked the job in properly. Now I have been raving about this company's incompetence for endless posts, cos they really are incompetent, but frankly, I booked this job 4 weeks ago, sorted out people to take my boy to school and so on, and THEY screwed up AGAIN, NOT ME!!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I was NOT impressed!!!!!!

That's actually about it for Monday, as I DIDN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE!!!! So, on to

TACKLE IT TUESDAY

Project:Paperwork

As with last week I kinda bit off more than I wanted to chew. I THOUGHT that sorting out my paperwork would be a simple case of putting things into piles, until I realized that there were A LOT of phone calls I had to make to sort things out too. It was actually 3 hours worth of phone calls to official people. I started talking to my neighbours just to talk to humans! I have heard every single variation of Greensleves, and been on hold for a total of 50 minutes...........50 MINUTES!!!!!!!!!

So, here is what I started with...

You may notice that these yellow and black tubs feature heavily in my storage spaces, they are FABULOUS, they are the ones that fold down flat and hold a stupid amount of stuff, I LOVE THEM!!!

5 HOURS later, after phone calls, shredding, and much sticking on of labels I now have...

JUST ONE BINDER........YAY!!!!! Inside I have dividers, neatly labeled address labels that I picked up from work cos they were cheap, describing everything behind each divider, along with what action I have taken regarding whatever it is up to today's date. This then means that at a quick glance I can not only see what paperwork I have, but what still needs dealing with, what bills are unpaid, and what school notes/hospital appointments I need to book etc!!!!!!

I am so chuffed, mainly because now I can find everything, and tomorrow, I am heading to the CAB, (for anyone who isn't based in the UK, it is a fantastic free service run by volunteers who will negotiate repayment plans for your bills for you, give you debt management advice, legal advice, you name it) cos thou I'm not heavily in debt, I'm definitely feeling the pinch of dropping from a household of two full-time earners, to being a part-time worker who keeps losing benefits, and is currently on an income of less than Â£600 a month!!!!!

Also, I'm sick of eating baked beans on toast!

Happy Tackling to all Tacklers!!!

Daily Life Tackle it Tuesday

(insert appropriate title here as I can't think of one)

2006-09-08T19:05:00.000Z

I have to admit that I am posting more out of boredom than anything else.

There is nothing on the telly, I need to take a little break from my book (thou it is stunning, but I think completing a 502 page book in a couple of hours just shows how dull my life is!)

I have to comment on my boy. I would add a picture of the most stunning injury that he has ever had, but he wouldn't stand still long enough for me! He had an 'incident' at school, his new teacher was terribly apologectic, obviously being totally unaware that my son thinks he's made of rubber, and will randomly throw himself into/onto/over things just to see if he can.

Anyway, the 'incident'...it would seem that my boy pi**ed some kid off, one who was bigger than him (so anyone in the school really) and got pushed over, onto a pile of Duplo, on his head. Only my son could do this, and end up with two neat Duplo bumps, from the top of the bricks, imprinted on his forehead for all to see. He had his forehead iced down, and in true Edward style he cried out..."Get off, I have to go and finish my hat!" The boy has NO concept of pain...unless he wants kisses. He's gonna be straight!

Thats about it really, unless everyone really wants to know about the endless piles of bills sat in my kitchen, or my various problems with my various lumps and bumps (its been a crazy day!)

Oh, and theres this I forgot to post earlier!

I've got an interview at "5 Minutes for Mom".

Have you been to 5 Minutes for Mom before? It's a moms blog run by two wahms who own a retro collectibles specialty store and a kids furniture and toy store. They love helping other work at home moms promote their businesses. So take a stop over at their blog and help support all mom blogs and mom sites.

Daily Life Parenthood 5 Minutes for Mom

2006-09-08T00:03:00.000Z

Sorry I'm about an hour late!

Booking Through Thursday

We asked last week about what draws you to your favorite kind/genre of book. This week, we want to know--how often do you depart from that comfort zone? If you love mysteries, do you ever read fantasy? If you primarily read cookbooks, do you ever read a good romance? I will happily read anything that contains words! These days I've been reading everything from Terry Prachett to peoples blogs online. I just can't resist reading!

How MUCH variety is there in your reading? Do you mostly stick to one type, with just the occasional toe-dip into a different style? Or do you generally read a variety of things, just, maybe more of your favorite style than anything else? I tend to stick to one author at a time! Just lately I picked up a book by George R. R. Martin, loved it, so read the rest of the series thats out at the moment (A Song of Ice and Fire). If I'm attracted to an author, or a particular book seems to be telling me to buy it then it doesn't matter too much which genre it is. This being said, I own more Sci-Fi/fantasy books than anything else!

Thursday Thirteen

2006-09-06T22:35:00.000Z

OK, so this is my first 'Thursday Thirteen'!!!!! I'm actually a little excited! I guess I should call it Edition #1 but I'm doing the one suggested for Edition #57!

So, 13 things I like about myself....thats actually far harder than it sounds but I'll give it a go!

Thirteen Things I like about myself

1…. My hair. I know it sounds odd but I do love my hair, its thick, full and annoying most of the time but I still love it!

2.... My sense of humour. I'll admit that it can be an aquired taste at times, but I find myself funny!!!!

3.... My dress sense. It might not always be fashionable, but I do look good most of the time!

4.... My ablity to make meals out of nearly empty cupboards. My son and I have had a few strange meals, but I always seem to manage to find something. (I truely don't know how!)

5.... My memory. Its not quite photographic but I do have crystal clear recall on the strangest things. I never really think about it but I just have the strangest things in my head!

6.... My addiction to books. There are far worse things I could have become addicted to at points in my life, I'm glad that it was books!!!!

7.... My son. Not something about myself, but a reflection of it. A happy, healthy, well-adjusted boy who is growing up too fast, and who's teachers told me that there was no change in his behaviour when his father left, which to me says I must be doing something right!

8.... My commitment to my family. It has never mattered how much they beat me down (metophorically!) I still love them and stand by them. This can only be a good thing.

9.... The fact that now I have the strength to not take whatever s**t is dished out to me (unless its from my parents!). Confiedence in oneself is a beautiful thing.

10.... That I am still naive enough to be surprised when people betray me.

11.... The 'twins'. I can't do a list about things I like about myself without added them!

12.... That I still write letters to my friends. Even the one's I have email addresses for!

13.... That I managed to actually write this. Its taken me the last 45 minutes!

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. Tracie

2. My two cents

3. caylynn (couldnt find a link!)

4. incog & nito (no link again)

5. Mommyba

6. Tink

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Daily Life Thursday Thirteen

TACKLE IT TUESDAY!!

2006-09-05T21:04:00.000Z

As a first time 'tackler' I must admit it launched into this far to vigorously.....I really did......I thought I would simply sort out my bookcase

But to do that, I needed some tubs of books from one of my cupboards (which as you can see also needed 'tackling')

Then I tripped over my clean clothes and I saw where I was going to put those clothes

and nearly died when I saw the state I'd let my room get in. I'm only ever in there to sleep, so just lately it's ended up kinda neglected..........So I got stuck in.

I've always found it fascinating to look back at all the random 'stuff' that gets collected in a short space of time, even if I'm then going to put it in the bin, but really, I had an EXCESSIVE amount of stuff. For instance, I owned 21 sets of various nightwear........21........WHY?????

As I looked through them I realised that a few of them were from when I was 18 and still living at my parents...............I think I have a problem!!!!!!!

Then there was the 58 pairs of socks......I KID YOU NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..............58 seems just a little ridiculous, and some of them were only held together by a hope and a prayer!

Also, in my bedroom cupboards was a dis-mantled junior bed that my son hasn't slept in for at least the last 2 1/2 years, that one made it into the loft finally, and barely fit. So there was I, balancing on the top of a ladder, trying to wiggle the base of this bed into the loft and realising that I am also at the TOP OF THE STAIRS..............And singing along to my MP3 player and adding a lil jiggle or two..............I am officially crazy!

As I was cleaning, sorting and throwing out, I was also picking up things like lighters and pennies and popping them into my pocket...........this pic is actually of exactly what was in my pockets when the weight got so bad my jeans fell down all by themselves!!!!

Within my pockets I discovered I had picked up, 10 lighters, a screwdriver, some batteries and over £5 in loose change!

However, I persevered and here are the 'after pics'

All my clothes are now hung up, and the linen is all in the tubs on the top shelf.

This pic is not taken well, but it is of the other cupboard and you will notice the lack of plastic tubs!

Another not so good pic, but this is where the bookcase was.......unfortunately as I wentto move it into my empty cupboard...it fell apart!

And one of the 12 bags of rubbish, broken chest of drawers and box of broken toys I should have thrown out 3 months ago, cos this has to be seen to be believed.

Next week, I'm doing my paperwork, where I can sit all comfy and not have to do any heavy lifting or ladder climbing.

Any other visiting 'Tacklers', let me know and I shall make a list!

Daily Life Tackle it Tuesday

tired girlie

2006-09-04T22:53:00.000Z

Damn I'm tired. But I know why.........

The 7am start this morning, trying to motivate the boy and convince him he needed to eat breakfast.

Doing an hour and a quarter of intensive cleaning for mum......you know its bad when you're working up a sweat!

Doing more than the same at home, then having the boy take 30 minutes to get home.

Going into work and discovering the 2 trolleys and bottom of a cage of milk to work, the best part of 4 bread trays, and 69 (yes 69) boxes of wine to work, plus the loose bottles. I have to admit that I only managed to face up a few bits......but I did get everything else done . The only issue now is that it hurts to walk.

Tonight, I am going to bed to rest up before I tackle something tomoro, not sure which part of the house to start with, cos theres SO much to do!

Chaos and Disorder

Random

My life is incredibly dull...

Change

I am so rubbish!

Wednesday Weigh-In

Insert something clever or funny here...I'm too tired to think of anything!

LOVING the wireless

Check the new rockin' blog!

RAHH...I'm back online!!!!

I am alive,I promise

It's been a busy 6 weeks!

Thursday Thirteen #18

Because so rarely things move me to tears.

Thursday Thirteen #17

I should blog more

New days, new thoughts, new hall paint.

Grief

POST NUMBER 150!!!

The BIG-ASS post I promised!!!!

I'M BACK ONLINE.....WOOHOO

Some random for you, cos it's all I got!

I am an inconsiderate blogger!

Graeme's Holiday...Day''s Two and Three

Graeme's Holiday...Day ONE

Cos I'm still lazy!!!

Sorry folks, had an attack of the 'lazy'!

I hope you're sitting down!

Thursday Thirteen #16

SPRING EQUINOX!!!!

An actual blog post!!!!!

sorry folks

Thursday Thirteen #15

Friends, feelings and other stuff!

Thurday Thirteen #14

Drunken Pwincess

I know...I'm a disappointment to my public!!!!!

TACKLE IT TUESDAY

My life is just a lil bit interesting!

I should not be allowed to get this bored

The Ultimate Blog Party March 2-9

D'OH, I FORGOT TO BLOG AGAIN!

Thursday Thirteen #13

Random musings, as I can't really be arsed to blog properly!

My life is very dull!

Test Run

Opps

To my Parents

Well I survived!

New Year, New Things, and so on and so forth

Thursday Thirteen #12

Pondering stuffs, as I occasionally do!

Self reflection and general babble.

New Year coming.

Thursday Thirteen #11 (a day late!)

Belated Merry Christmas to all!

tired, wired, and generally crazy!

JAMMIE DAY!!!! YAY!!!!!

Thursday Thirteen #10

Tired now

I don't like Mondays very much

I am NOT a morning person

Randomness

Title to be inserted by anyone who can think of one!

Thursday Thirteen #9

WOO HOO I'M BACK ONLINE!!!

Monday Madness

In Loving Memory...

Thursday Thirteen #8

Monday Madness

An Open letter to customers of ___ ____ in __________.

Booking through Thursday

Thursday Thirteen #7

Sometimes you just gotta scream

NEW TEMPLATE ALERT!!!!!

Monday Madness, a day late......D'OH

SHHHHHHH.............I have a secret

A COUPLE OF IMPORTANT ANNOUCEMENTS!!!

Thursday Thirteen #6

So tired...so very tired

An Open letter to customers of _ in ________.